White Lace & Promises

While my mother was recently in town for a visit, I took the opportunity to have her opinion while

source: Joanne Fleming

trying on wedding dresses.  The truth is, I'm intimidated by bridal stores.  I feel too old to being trying on a princess gown.  Too broke for anything couture.  Perhaps as a second-time-bride, I feel like I shouldn't get to wear white again or celebrate love that is supposed to last forever.  So with my mother in tow for moral support, we hit several shops. 

What I thought I would like, felt silly when I tried it on.  After several where I felt like I was wearing a costume, I opened my mind to new options.  Then, I actually started having fun!

I can tell that I have been budget-minded for many years because when I think of spending money on a wedding dress, I keep thinking, "I could buy a really cool computer for that amount."  or "That would pay for childcare for xx number of weeks." 

So, the wedding planning is in full swing - as it should be for a special day less than four months from now (yikes!).  Yet I'm trying to keep a larger perspective.  The dress, the flowers, the food will all disappear.  The marriage and memories will last forever and that is where I want my focus to be. 

I'd love a grand production as much as the next bride, but I know the grand gift is in the day to day not the one-day event. 

Simply Complicated

I feel deep joy today, along with some anxiety.  At one time I thought these emotions cancelled each other out, one couldn't exist alongside the other.  Embracing both has been essential to becoming authentic as I walk through life.  My all or nothing thinking of the past led me to box myself up and not explore the complexities of life.  Growth is so good!

Becoming the second wife to the man I adore is full of such strange mixed emotions.  Because I love Mr. Wonderful, and his darling girls, I regret that the pain of divorce entered their world.  Yet that fact is what opened the door for me to know and love them in the first place.  Do you understand the complexity?  Because he was happy in his first marriage for many years, I sometimes wonder if I will bring him the same level of joy.  Yet the very fact that he enjoyed unity, kinship, committed and lasting love bodes well that he will enjoy the same with me.  Again, the paradox!

I cannot wait until I get to spend my days and nights together.  Our rental house has never truly felt like home and I tend to avoid being alone there.  Yet I sometimes worry about adjusting to moving into the home and space of another family.  How will they feel about integrating my stuff?  Will I feel like an intruder?  It would be easy for resentments to build.  Yet I know being with him is like being home.  I'm content in his space and his presence.

Talking about these things helps to bring my concerns into the open.  Often they are diffused with simple solutions.  I can't wait for all my most important people to be under one roof.  Yet I know the next season carries lots of transitions for each of us.  I think as long as we keep communicating, keep celebrating the good in the midst of the new and challenging, that we will grow and learn together. 

It's exciting, new territory!

Moody Monday

This Monday after time change is always challenging.  Last night, it felt early so I didn't go to bed till after 11 pm ... and then the alarm at 5:40 am felt terribly early!  But she survived and everyone made it home.  Mr. Wonderful and I had some extra time alone this weekend.  My mother is in town and acted as babysitter while we went on a date!  It felt special and while our conversation was heavy at times, it was deep and necessary and good.

Here are my weekend highlights:

• We had the first day of 2013 that we could go outside without jackets.
• My parents arrived for an extended visit.
• Date night with Mrs. Wonderful: sharing fears and discussing the future, close bonding time.
• Church and showing my parents where we worhsip.
• Early morning snuggles with my firstborn.
• Shopping for a wedding dress with my mother!

I'll spare you the lowlights ... we had our share of that, too.  But it's the start of a new week.  Lot's of to do's and not enough energy.  That's just how I'm feeling today. 

Oh I'm Ready for Spring!

I've been quiet on the blog because after such big and exciting news on my last post, I just don't have too much that can top it!  We've enjoyed receiving so many congratulations from friends far and near...even a couple that just heard the news this week.  I'm grateful for so many who are happy for us.

The past three (yes, three!) weeks have turned the dreamy into the practical as we work out budget, plan for merging our families into one living space, discuss style of wedding, guests, etc.  It's been a very practical season of working together.  It means alot to me that Mr. Wonderful continues to move the process forward and stay involved.  He's so cute, asking "What needs to happen next?"  So we are taking the necessary steps and moving forward on all fronts.

At home I have been talking a lot about when we will live with our 'almost family.'  That's what my daughter calls them...she keeps talking like SHE is the one getting married!  They have had some interesting concerns and thoughts, which I'm hoping to share.

But mostly life continues along with the routines and requirements of usual: school.  homework.  bills.  job.  laundry.  always laundry.  Recently, I have been reminding myself that I will miss some things about this time.  Even in this season of life which I would never choose - there have been treasures.

My parents are coming to town for an extended visit.  I look forward to the extra set of hands to get on top of spring cleaning, more purging/organizing and companionship.  I've missed writing and hearing from readers.  Has spring arrived in your part?  Do you see any hints of it around the corner?

If you can't read the picture, My first grade daughter wrote about her family back in December. She listed Mr. Wonderful as her stepdad and his daughters as her sisters.  Her Daddy's significant other's children are included with her siblings.  I'm thankful that she can integrate these close people into her family.  You can also see the way she has drawn home: Ours, a house, and her Daddy's, a condo in multi-level units.  So interesting what you can learn about her thoughts form her drawing!