Turning The Page

Things are changing in my life, and that is never an easy space for me.  I feel it in the rhythms of a new job, another child moving to college, and even in the way my own body feels existing in a new decade of life. It's all so unfamiliar. I would love to be able to see around the bend to what this next season looks like, but I am only able to walk ahead with what I know for today.  

There have been tears, there have been smiles, and I wish I could name all the good that will happen. First I must simply live through the daily changes and navigate things one step at a time. Looking back, I must admit that my greatest growth and most significant joys have come through uncertainty. Letting go of control prompts resilience and wisdom as we grow through any struggle to identify who we are.

My dear husband reminds me that in the midst of what is changing, so much also remains consistent: our home, our family, and our commitment to one another along with our faith. It helps to remind myself that these things will be the same no matter what. These anchors provide stability in the winds of a new season. The values that ground me provide a foundation for curiosity and openness to something new and wonderful.

Some of the changes we face are brought by our choices, while others a decided by others. I recently chose to change my field of employment to an area where I feel great passion. I failed to anticipate the significant feeling of grief I would face in letting go. After almost twenty years of working for one company, it is more challenging than I anticipated to let go of the responsibility.

I have felt unsettled. Untethered. Unsure of myself. Uncertain. 

What if I fail? What if I don't find my way? What if this change brings more pain than joy? These fears, though powerful, are often rooted in our deep desire for stability and control.

I decided to leave and pursue a new opportunity where my passion and fulfillment took precedence. I'm so grateful for almost two decades with one boss, many familiar coworkers, and a very predictable schedule.  The decision stemmed from a deep realization that true satisfaction in life comes from doing what I love and feeling a sense of purpose in my work. While my former job provided stability, it served an industrial field more than people. In contrast, my new role aligns with my values and interests, offering a renewed sense of excitement and purpose.

Uncertainty is a feeling we all face at one point or another, so while it makes me uncomfortable I know it will not always feel this way. That sense of the unknown is the very path to new possibilities. Life is a path that takes us through so many transformations where we grow and change. Part of human existence is adjusting to what we encounter.

While my current season of transition is daunting, it is time to shift out of my comfort zone and into the fertile ground where I may flourish in a new and fulfilling way. Embracing changes and new seasons means embracing life itself, and that is my choice today!

No, You're Not Cool - But Being an Uncool Mom is Actually the Best Kind of Love

Do you feel like a fish out of water when you're around your teen and their friends? It's not you, it's reality. Most likely, they do not think you are cool.  They aren't imitating your fashion or looking to you for tech tips. Your idea of the best movie isn't going to be the one they will choose.  

In a world where social media bombards us with picture-perfect families, trendy moms who seem to have it all together, and kids who are always smiling in the latest fashion, it's easy to feel like you're falling short. Let me tell you a secret: I am not a cool mom. And you know what? I wouldn't trade it for the world.

The Myth of the Cool Mom

First, let’s debunk the myth of the cool mom. You know the type: always on top of the latest trends, effortlessly juggling a career, a spotless home, and kids who never misbehave. She hosts post-worthy parties and somehow has time for a social life that rivals a Hollywood celebrity. She’s on Instagram, showing off her flawless life, and you’re left wondering how she does it.

The truth is, she probably doesn’t. Behind the scenes, everyone has their struggles and imperfections. Trying to live up to an impossible standard can be exhausting and ultimately unfulfilling.

Real Love in Uncool Moments

What does it mean to be an uncool mom? For starters, it means embracing the chaos. My house is often a mess, with used dishes strewn about and yesterday's laundry still in the washing machine. My fashion sense is more about comfort than couture. But amidst this chaos, there is love.

Being an uncool mom means showing up for my kids, not just in the picture-perfect moments, but in the messy, challenging ones too. It’s staying up late to help with a school project, even if it means looking like a zombie the next day. It’s choosing a family movie at home over a trendy night out, complete with crumbly popcorn and blankets piled high on the couch. It means finding one-on-one time with each kiddo sometime throughout the week.

Lessons in Authenticity

By not being a cool mom, I’m teaching my kids the value of authenticity. They see that it’s okay not to have everything figured out. They learn that love isn’t about perfection, but about presence. They witness firsthand that it’s okay to be different, to make mistakes, and to grow from them.

My kids know that they can come to me with their problems, not because I have all the answers, but because they trust I will listen without judgment. They see me struggle and sometimes fail, but they also see me get back up, try again, and keep going. This resilience is a powerful lesson that no Instagram feed can teach.

Building Real Connections

Some of the best moments with my kids are the uncool ones: The moments when real connections are built are far from the curated perfection of social media. It's trying on the prom dresses and navigating the insecurities together. It's talking about the first girlfriend with your son and providing a feminine perspective and guidance. It's riding to and from all the places and grabbing Sonic along the way. So much of life happens in the ordinary.

“That might sound boring, but I think the boring stuff is the stuff I remember the most.” — Russell (From the movie "UP.")

Celebrating the Uncool

So, to all the uncool moms out there, let’s celebrate our ability to be real. Let’s embrace the messy, the imperfect, and the authentic. Let’s show our kids that love is about showing up, being present, and being ourselves, flaws and all.

At the end of the day, our kids won’t remember how cool we were. They’ll remember the love, the laughter, and the times we were there for them, no matter what. And that, my friends, is the coolest thing of all.

Reflections from Mom at High School Graduation

My daughter is graduating from high school and it brings about such a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts. This is not my first child to graduate, but I find I’m still surprised by the feelings that creep up in unpredictable patterns.

First of all, let me assure you that you get more than 18 summers and high school graduation is not the finish line. You will be the mama to your sons and daughters every single day of your life.  However, the role does indeed change and you get to step back a bit to witness your child become more independent and capable.  Most of the time, graduation from high school will mark a shift in the way you relate to one another. It is a significant milestone that brings deep pride and a tinge of sadness, along with an intense cause for celebration.

I find myself on memory lane and getting lost in the photos from years that have passed.  Memories of the milestones and the everyday moments are treasures to me. The stumbles and heartaches along with the accomplishments each hold meaning and significance.  I love the friends who have passed in and out of our circle and the community that joined us along with journey.  So much of my mom-life has revolved around the schools, activities and community of my child and I’m grateful for my identity as a mother.

I have learned so many of my own lessons through each season.  While my child was getting a diploma, I was also being educated in parenting. Every moment from the sleepless nights of infancy to the drama of dating and driving are a testament to the dedication that being an active, involved parent demands.  Parenting is more than guiding and nurturing your child, it’s also about learning and growing alongside them. I’ve learned patience, resilience, and the fierce meaning of unconditional love.  I’ve been challenged to understand beyond frustrations and strived to endure with grace more obstacles than I thought I was able to overcome.
As my graduate embarks on a new chapter, I am full of hope and excitement for the next chapter.  There is a hint of sadness and lots of nostalgia.  Sometimes I long for the days when she was little and my presence could heal every wound.  Now my job is to empower her own independence and provide support for her goals.

I know that this is the natural order – for my children to grow, find their own paths, and take their part in our vast and wonderful world. I’ve also seen how our relationship with one another doesn’t come to an end. In fact, though she may not need me in the same way she once did, I will always be the steady anchor my child needs in their ever-changing worlds.  We get to be friends and peers in a way that will bring a new kind of closeness.

No matter where life takes my dear graduate, she will be forever loved, cherished, and part of my heart.  Let the celebrations begin and may the future be as boundless as the sky, filled with possibilities!

The Impact of PLAY Grows With Your Children

As a new mom, one of my daily goals was to spend 15 minutes each day on the floor playing with my baby.  I was able to put away daily demands and enter their world as a partner. When kids get older, it is easy to leave that playful spirit behind.  Academic pressures, social dynamics, and the flurry of extracurricular activities often push play into the margins of daily life. 

Studies show that there are untold benefits found during playtime and they do not end at adolescence. Keep the joy and fun alive in your home even as you navigate the winding road of middle and high school.  By being the safe place to let down any pretense, we build connections and have more influence during a season when it is naturally dwindling away. By providing space to be carefree, you are creating the very thing that enables them to retain joy and creativity. You also extend your influence as you help to instill priorities and lessons in your emerging teen.

When life becomes complicated, it gets more important to be in the moment and enjoy time together. The demands of adolescence create pressures and stress, you get to be the release valve that nurtures the spirit of your child through a challenging season. We can ensure they have a spark of pleasure that makes life fulfilling and become a resource as they navigate growing up into greater responsibilities.

Lighten up! Our teen begins to tune me out when all they hear are corrections and instructions. Embrace their interests and activate the bonding that happens when you both relax and share experiences together. Mutual participation will create memories and touchpoints for the future.

Make room for joy. Incorporate playfulness into their academic pursuits by using study games or visiting museums and historical sites. Create DIY science experiments and make learning memorable. Let your child be wrong and learn to process failure in a way that builds resilience. Be your child's advocate and partner.

Encourage social play. Since peer relationships become increasingly important, facilitate group activities with their friends. If you begin in younger adolescence to organize friendship activities, your teens will continue as they mature to recreate those experiences when the responsibility transfers to self.  For example, we made several group hikes during the middle school years and later these teens continued doing so without their parents. Youth groups and clubs often provide loose structures for "playtime" through this season of life.

Create a playful environment. Keep a shelf of games accessible and have art supplies handy. Let your sons and daughters try new recipes in the kitchen.  Create cozy spaces for relaxation and reading. Our patio and firepit are spaces that get regular use as spaces to just be, as well as gathering spots for friends. Play can become a seamless part of everyday rhythms in your home.

Play looks different in the teen years. It might include team sports or membership at a gym. Sometimes it will be a board game, other times a video game. Creativity may include artwork or videography. Sometimes we pay for play like an Escape Room or Go-Kart night out. Other times play means "turning off our brain" to stream something and laugh together. A form of role play happens when our teens experiment with new activities.

Your presence as a personality will shine as they notice your unique and fun ways. We want our children to really know us and what we love.  Let the spirit of who you are come through as your connection shifts from what can do for them as a mom to who you are as an interesting person. Incorporate your teens into your hobbies like gardening or bird-watching. Be an example of a grown-up who allows time and space for playfulness in life. There are so many benefits to play that it is worth investing the effort to join them in the practice. 

While the demands of adolescence may change, the need for play remains. By nurturing our children's playful, creative spirits, we get to help them through the challenges of maturity and help them retain that spark of joy that makes life truly fulfilling. Let's keep the fun alive, one playful moment at a time!

Secrets to Being a Great Thrifter!

In my household, we love to go thrifting at second-hand or consignment stores.  My daughter and I have a weekly Saturday tradition of going out for coffee, then "thrifting." Often stores are cluttered but we find ourselves drawn to these things with a past.  Clothes that may look dated on the hanger jump to life with new styling or a youthful eye. Dishes or little figurines that collected dust for years may simply be overlooked.  I like to think about the origin and life these items had before they arrived at the second-hand store. Did the baby outgrow these shoes before they were ever worn? Was that figurine gifted to a mother? We love to wander and wonder.

Still, it can be overwhelming and so there are a few things that help us identify where to look, what to bring home and how to determine value.

Begin with a quick scan, then go deep in the areas where you know you have a need. Do you have an upcoming event for which you need a dress? Review all the dresses on the rack in your size range. Are you looking for a coat, blazer or athletic equipment?  Go directly to those areas and see what is available. Unlike a department store, if you don't see what you are seeking, then you are out of luck.

Embrace classics and neutrals. Shop for traditional over trendy. While you're looking, keep an eye out for wardrobe basics. A well made white button-down or designer blazer will never go out of style.  If you find one, it's worth it!  Exception: go for a trend if the price point is right, low 'cost per wear.'

Skip something you don't love.  Too often I have tried to make something work that wasn't exactly right for me. Predictably, I regret the purchase.  If the size or color aren't quite right, then pass.  Anything damaged is likely to remain in your project-pile, so save your sanity and your dollars by leaving those things behind. 

A question that I ask before purchasing items for the home (like decor or seasonal purchases) is, "Where will I put this right now?"  Again, if it is requires a project or adjustment then I'm unlikely to follow through and I'm adding to the clutter in my own home. 

Do you collect anything? I'm not a big collector, but I love to decorate with specific colors and so if I see something in that pallet, then I'll consider whether I have a place for it. 

Another thing to look for are whimsical items you might use just for fun.  I like to put tea cups in the garden or a seasonal figurine to set on your coffee table. If you love Corgis or tea cups, you will find treasures to bring home. Become more environmentally friendly and consider gifting curated finds, also. Often the time and thought, along with the treasure-hunting story are meaningful to the recipient.

A Quick Idea of 5 Things to Always Buy Used:

1. Quality Cookware that remains in good condition. Stainless steel, Le Creuset or barely used dishes for your college kid can all be cleaned and look like new.
2. Designer Accessories. Name brand handbags, scarves or jewelry are hot items!
3. New With Tag Basics. Occasionally you will come across brand new items and if you will use it, it's hard to go wrong. 
4. Additions to a Personal Collection. This is for those who enjoy Fiestaware or Precious Moments. 
5. Whatever brings joy - Does it conjure a memory? Remind you of a special time? Inspire you?

Like people, everything found in a thrift store has a back story, and a future. Every item we encounter has past experiences and unknown potential.  Grab a friend and spend some time this week at a thrift store.  You may find it’s something you love!

 

Roadblocks to Love - Beyond Romance

I've been thinking about love lately, have you? Valentine's holds a special place in my heart and I've always tried to celebrate true love during this time. Real love is so much more romance.  

Love, the powerful force that binds us together, comes in various forms beyond the realm of romantic relationships. We often associate love with romantic entanglements, but it extends far beyond, touching friendships, family bonds, and connections with the world around us. However, this beautiful journey is not always smooth; it's riddled with roadblocks that test our resilience and commitment to love in its many facets.

Expectations and Disappointments: We are all vulnerable to being let down.

Love often comes with expectations, be it expecting reciprocity in relationships or anticipating specific outcomes. When reality doesn't align with these expectations, disappointment can set in, creating a roadblock to love. Learning to manage expectations and embracing the unpredictability of relationships is crucial.  I have found this to be especially true with my children as they grow into their own unique personhood.

Fear of Vulnerability: It is risky to be real.

Vulnerability is the cornerstone of deep connections, but the fear of being vulnerable can be a significant roadblock to love. Opening up emotionally, sharing insecurities, and exposing our true selves can be daunting. Overcoming this fear requires trust, patience, and a willingness to be authentic, fostering stronger bonds with those we care about.  We will never truly feel loved if we are fearful of sharing our true selves.

Unresolved Past Wounds: We must not build walls of self-protection.

Baggage from past experiences, whether in relationships or life in general, can cast a shadow on our ability to love openly. Unresolved past wounds can create trust issues, fear of commitment, or an unwillingness to let others in. Addressing and healing these wounds is essential for clearing the path to love.  Take time to assess your ability to seek connection in a healthy way.

Communication Breakdowns: We all have them.

One of the fundamental roadblocks to love is communication breakdown. Clear and honest communication is the bridge that connects hearts, and when it falters, it can lead to distance and emotional disconnection. over than 

Time and Prioritization: Our schedules are often the enemy relationships.

In our fast-paced lives, time becomes a precious commodity. Balancing work, personal pursuits, and relationships is challenging, often leading to neglect in one or more areas. Making time for loved ones and prioritizing relationships is crucial to prevent love from being overshadowed by the demands of daily life.

Love is an unfolding journey filled with both joy and challenges. Navigating roadblocks requires introspection, patience, and a commitment to growth. The reward of connection is worth overcoming any hurdle on the path to connection. 

On a personal note - I have loved deeply and experienced extreme rejection in the love category.  Ultimately, I have found the only love which is unchanging comes from the God of the Bible.  Trusting Him and learning his ways lets me love others well. If you wonder where to start?  Try beginning there.

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God." I John 4:7

Have you ever tried a spending freeze?

Happy New Year!  I'm slow to transition into a new year and new habits.  Christmas leaves me spinning, so it's usually early January before I'm able to slow down and consider goals and habits that I want to continue for the next year.  One that I often repeat is a spending freeze.

After the holiday season, I feel a little out of control with spending.  It seems money is required at every turn and the outflow is overwhelming.  A personal spending freeze always helps me feel like I'm taking control of my own finances and self.  For me, the first of the year is a natural time to slow the torrent of spending.

You've probably heard of "Dry January" or all the fitness goals that roll out for the start of a new year.  A Spending Freeze is just what it sounds like, only there are certain built-in allowances that must be paid (hello, utility bill).  Obviously you can't spend literally zero for a month - you need to eat and get around.  The key is to cut nonessential spending in order to save, pay off debt or put the money to work in another way.  

How does a spending freeze work?

Keep spending on the normal essential. Monthly bills, groceries and medicine, personal hygiene items and the like are things we need and must spend money to provide.  The goal isn't to deprive yourself or your family but to filter purchases by actual need.

Set the time limit.  Will you aim for one month?  Will you try for one week?  They key is to exercise the muscle of self-discipline and the actual time limit varies per your family needs.  Do you have a child with a birthday during this time?  A gift and dinner out don't count against you when there is a reason.  You're in charge of your own self, so you get to set the limits.  They key is to stick with them.

No eating out or coffee shops. For a set time, make your coffee and dinners at home. Bring lunch with you to the office. 

Nix online shopping. It's just too easy to add to cart and purchase.  While you're at it, take this time to unsubscribe from all the ads that hit your inbox or text notifications.  You don't want the marketers to have a direct hit to your wallet.

Look for free entertainment. Get outside, visit the library (or Libby app) and get together with your friends for an at-home movie night.  Go for a winter drive with your partner or do an online fitness class.

Do not purchase new clothes, or anything that isn't essential.  Unless you need socks/undies or your children need to replace something, just stay away from retail.

The quick rule is to ask yourself whether you really need to purchase something.  There are many great sales, but do you really need another cute top?  Can you wait a few weeks before purchasing the new shoes? Challenge yourself to pause and be creative.  You will feel empowered by not falling prey to all the marketing schemes that tell you what you must buy now.

What will you do with the money you save?  This is the fun part!  Even is you are going to use the money to pay back holiday debt, that's a great goal.  Could you save it towards a summer vacation?  What about a family treat, like season passes to a entertainment spot?  Is there a non-profit that could benefit from your sacrifice?  Are you looking to replace something at home, like an appliance or piece of furniture?  

There are so many ways to implement a spending freeze.  Get your family on board, or try it alone for the first time.  You will be surprised at easily we normally spend without consideration.  Try to stop spending for a bit and reap the rewards of your own self discipline. It's a great way to demonstrate to our kids that we don't always need something new.