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Friday, October 21, 2011

Trusting myself is a challenge.  I feel like I generously and naively placed trust into the hands of someone who very much abused that confidence.  Because of this, I second-guess myself so much.  I have a hard time making decisions and fear that what I perceive isn't really the way things are.  It's a mind-game that is hard to overcome and often leaves me seeking the reassurance or validation of others.

One thing that keeps me sane, is to continually place all my uncertainties before the Lord.  I often just admit my confusion, my lack of knowledge and ask him to make my path clear.  When the path remains unclear, I am learning to step out in any direction trusting Him to redirect when necessary. 

All year I've been studying wisdom.  Seeking that trait in the Bible and reading from Proverbs almost daily.  There are few rules for gaining it, but many general themes and principles.  It is not something to be obtained, but it is a life pattern of seeking and waiting, choosing the best over the good and allowing God to direct. 

I find comfort in knowing His plan is not mysterious and is full of freedom.  In knowing this about God, there is less pressure.  I can move forward in a general direction without knowing the complete path.  My faith is stretched and grown in this way.  It's hard, but exciting and I'm thankful.

Whoever pursues righteousness and love
finds life, prosperity and honor.
Proverbs 21:21