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Thursday, February 7, 2013

Are You In a Controlling Relationship?

I have been thinking about controlling people, controlling relationships.  I didn't come by freedom in relationship easily and created many poor patterns that 'give away' my power.  To make matters worse, some of those to whom I gave my power, took that privilege and abused it, used me, made me small.  So, one of the gifts of my single-again life has been to become fully me again.  It's been so fun.  It's something that I want to hold onto even as my relationship with Mr. Wonderful gets serious.

Now I am a watchdog for controlling behavior.  I honestly can't think of a single time when I have felt controlled in this relationship.  That's probably why I feel so safe and can trust him.  I educated myself about controlling personally traits and learned the red flags to spot them.  Sadly, I see them in action around me all the time.  I see my friends controlled by their children and partners.  I see coworkers manipulated by other coworkers.  I see my children give way to controlling friends and then turn the tactics on their siblings! 

Every relationship has beneficial compromise and mutual submission.  There are seasons where the balance may shift further than what is healthy and it is time to work on it.  Most controllers don't see themselves that way and can justify their behavior, but they do not realize the way they are erroding a relationship that deep down they value.  Many who are controlled simply give up hope of things changing.  If either is you, take action.  Admit what is happening and that it will take time and effort for things to be different. 

Controlling Relationship Evaluation

Current Articles I'm Reading -
Identifying a Dominating Spouse
How Has Domination Affected You

My Thoughts on Bullies

Do you feel controlled?  Have be been the dominant person?  Do you think about these things in relationship?  How can we protect our children and train them to neither bully nor give away all their power?  Please share!