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Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Married life is fantastic, but ...

I have been so pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoy being married.  The partnership is amazing!  And still, I have to get used to being with someone all the time. 

It means another person sees me at my lowest and worst.  He sees the irritable, impatient tired mother-me who is short with my children.  He is aware that my Bible sits in my drawer more than in my hands and that I am incredibly messy (and bossy) when cooking dinner.  He is eye witness to my shortcomings and all the ways I try to hide them.  It leaves me feeling vulnerable and exposed. 

It's easy for me to fall into the trap of feeling like I have to earn love, and then knowing that I don't "measure up."  Because of this fear of disappointing others, I often avoid the very thing I need to confront, confess or correct which only worsens the problem. 

"And it’s no compliment to be told that you ... are perfect. There is no freedom in it. There is no true self in it." ~ Grace Filled Living