Middle School Mistakes We Made, and You Can Avoid

With middle school in the rear view of my parenting journey, I have been thinking about how it was a different experience for each one of our kiddos. I can certainly see how very naive I was heading into those years where they straddled childhood and adolescence.

It’s awkward, churning with change and confusing for most. Here is what I would do differently in these three BIG years:

Expect change!

It may happen gradually, but then you will notice that your child is developing very new patterns. Privacy becomes important as they naturally strive for independence. This is a right and healthy development, even if it wounds a bit. Set your expectations for house rules, like we eat dinner as a family and everyone helps with preparation or cleanup. Maybe the bedroom-as-a-hideout bothers you, but it creates a safe retreat for your kiddo. Give them time alone and still ask him or her to intentionally come be with you for a bit, too. Compromise is important, and so is family connection.

Get ready for some drama.

Emotions are on steroids for your child and all their peers. It’s an intense time for everyone. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G is a big deal. The key to surviving this level of ferocity is to learn how to chill your own ball of nerves. I found myself too often projecting or responding to the perceived sentiments and it only escalated a situation that would better be handled with a cool hand. Instead of reacting or invalidating the feelings, point them to positive coping strategies.

I would ask to see the homework before I assumed it was done.

Schoolwork gets more difficult in middle school and teachers expect real ideas and original work from the student. Taking time to do the unseen tasks of reading, organizing and planning ahead is something I wish I helped my middle schoolers learn earlier. I assumed too much and each experienced academic struggles, even failures. Study together, if you feel equipped, or get some help. Our school had good resources for additional aid. Begin homework early in the evening so there is time to complete it and unwind before bed. Touch base about every class each day.

Speaking of the bed, sleeping patterns really do change.