Perspectives on Life & Love

The first love of my life was my own Daddy.  He was tall and capable, handsome and fun, and he made me feel so special.  Plus, my greatest role model (Mommy) thought he was the best person in the world.  My father helped me feel safe, valuable and precious. 

As I grew, my first love introduced me to my next.  It was Jesus himself.  I eagerly accepted unconditional love since it was modeled to me in my own home.  I began a truly intimate relationship with Christ that continues to this day.  Yes, there have been seasons of closeness and even distance, but I have learned to believe He is always for me and working on my behalf.  He is good.

From these models I learned to trust and to see the best in people.  In high school my first romantic love was my best boy friend.  He was kind and fun.  He made me feel like the most important person in the room and he shared my faith.  Ours was a deep friendship and I am thankful that I learned what it felt like to be adored - no regrets.

source: Amazon.com

Then I met the man I would marry.  I felt passion for the first time - to desire and be desired.  It was a new feeling and my romantic nature, along with all the novels I read, primed to be swept away.  I projected onto this man all that I hoped and wanted in love and my heart was swiftly his.  We did things the 'right' way, waiting until after college to marry, after marriage to consumate and several anniversaries later before we expanded our family.  But it would seem that neither of us really knew the other and I am surprised to find myself divorced. I do not regret the way I loved and it still saddens me that ours was not the triumph over struggle I envisioned.

Yet love is always victorious.  From that unrequited hope came the next male who would forever have my heart.  He was born after a season of loss which made his arrival even more precious.  My firstborn will forever be have my heart and the devotion of my love.  I will be his greatest fan!  Two other little loves came soon after and I thought my heart would burst from the joy.


And this love sustained me through times of extreme pain and loss.  The love of my father, my sons and daughter and a family who lifted me from depths of dispair, faith and Savior who would not let me fall into bitterness - these things allowed me to survive intact.  These things are my constants.  They do not change when all else is swirling, and they provide precision perspective when I lose my way.  

And one day I met a stranger for lunch who became my Mr. Wonderful.  I don't know how our story will end, though I treasure hopes in my heart (and Pinterest dreams).  My first and second loves have faithfully proven that I can yet trust, hope and move forward in faith.  I am confident that my love is reciprocated and pray daily for the ways in which I can love him well.  I am most amazed by the ways he gives.  I'm older, more experienced in life, know myself better than I thought possible and have more responsibilities that any one person should shoulder alone.  But I have never felt more like a 17-year old girl with a world of open possibility and just a glimpse of what a real-life fairytale might look like. 

I'm solidly in midlife.  I've been loved and betrayed and then loved even more.  There are choices I wish I'd made differently, yet those very choices have given me depth and perspective I may not have gained otherwise.  I still believe in love - family, friends, faith - that survives even alongside doubt, and even in romance.  The wonder of connecting with another human and all that opens up when we try is a gift. 

I'm linking up with others for Perspectives on Life & Love with Anne at Modern Mrs. Darcy.  I started reading her blog because I loved the title and I kept reading because I love her style. 

Remember That Time My Ex Walked In on Me Naked?

Okay, so that's not exactly how it happened - but did I get your attention?  It came this close to being true.  You see, as co-parents we both try to be present for the 'big' moments in our children's lives.  This week was our first day of school and so I had made plans to meet their father at the school.  We were to meet about 20 minutes prior to the bell in order to take a few photos and such.  We had the expected craziness as we adjusted to having a wake-up time after summer vacation.  So, once the children were all dressed and ready, I still needed to get myself together.  I was in my bathroom blow drying my hair in my normal fashion - sans clothing (those blow dryers are hot!).  When I turned it off, I was alarmed to hear my former spouse chatting with the children! 

I may have squealed a little bit, then grabbed my robe and closed my bedroom door.  I'm not sure how long he had been there, and I'm fairly certain he didn't venture into my room or have access to any views of me in the bathroom.  Nevertheless, it was a bit unnerving!  What happened to meeting at the school?  I'll probably never know. 

When I decided to coparent for the sake of my children, I decided to give up some of my own right to always have the answers.  I could make a big deal of all the questions and things I don't understand, or just let it go and assume that it really doesn't matter.  This is hard for me and Monday morning was just one more example of the times I just have to choose to release.

On a side note, we've had a great first week of school so far!  Do you have to intentionally let things go?  Want to share?  Please comment - I'd love to hear from you!

Little House By the Numbers

Here is just a slice of daily life as a single mom.  Our life and schedule are about to change with the arrival of the school year and soccer season.

Loads of laundry per day: 1-2

Loads of dishes per day: 1

Times per day I check my email: 5+

Times I look at Facebook: 3+

Times I schedule to workout during the week: 7

How often I get to workout: usually 6

Kitchen floor swept per week: 3 times

Floors vacuumed: 3 times

Furniture dusted: every other week

Bathrooms cleaned:  Once for full cleaning, wiped down at least every other day (boys)

Sheets washed: Four sets, every other week

Cups of coffee per day: 1

Sonic Cokes per Week: 4

Days I wash my hair per week: 3

Gallons of milk we go through in a week: 3

Times I went to Kroger this week: 2

Hours spent on video games: WAY too many!

Number of times a child has been disciplined or in Time Out: at least 14

Number of times I've needed a time out: No less than six

Number of days till school starts: 5

Number of times we ate dinner at home last week: 3 (we were out of town)
Does the arrival of school change your life?

Moody Monday - This is It!

It's our last week of summer vacation before school begins one week from today.  I am in deep mourning over the coming of early mornings.  Ugh!  I was reading in my journal from this time last year and we had a rough transition into second grade and kindergarten.  I hope this year happens more smoothly.  I pray that it does!  The one benefit will be that the children will all go in different directions throughout the day which usually results in less bickering and more fun play time when we gather back together. 

That means this week I'll be loading up on school supplies.  Our list doesn't look to bad, but the checking account does.  Mmmm.  I would so much rather buy something cute that twenty-bazillion glue sticks and spiral notebooks in the proper color.  Have the notebooks always needed to be colored properly?  I don't remember this and shirk and the new development.

We went on a little trip this weekend and my parents returned with us.  Yes, we're enjoying all the family fun ... for the most part.  In between, we've been soaking up the Olympics.  For me, the summer Olympics will forever conjure up memories with my sister as we crossed the country with my grandparents.  We watched those ladies gymnastics with adoration and genuinely believed that with enough practice we could win the gold!  Neither of us has taken a gymnastics class in our entire lives.  Nevertheless, we cartwheeled and tumbled our way though hotels and family friends homes all the while driving our Papa crazy (I'm sure!).  I still get excited whenever they interview Bela Karoli.  I can't understand much of what he says, and he scares me a little - but I like it!  I think he could get my abs looking a little less like a throw pillow and for that he is my wannabe hero.

Sweet & Strong

source: http://www.vintagevictuals.com/2009/04/southern-sweet-tea.html

Sweet tea is the standard drink for hot summer days, and this has been a hot summer.  I've made more than a few pitchers and the children have all developed a new appreciation for the refreshing beverage.  BUT, what I've really been thinking about is how I want to be a bit like my tea - both sweet and strong. 

Sweetness is readily accepted and rewarded.  That makes it fairly easy for this recovering-people-pleaser to practice.  I find joy in serving others, meeting needs and even in being the go-to girl at work.  I like being described as sweet.

I haven't always identified myself as strong.  In fact, there are times I feel so weak and ineffective that it's all I can do to put one foot in front of the other.  That's okay.  Yet as I've grown and learned, struggled and succeeded in some areas, I'm more confident that I am strong.  Being strong doesn't mean an end to things that are painful or hard, but it does mean knowing I will survive them and there is life beyond any current trial. 

I feel strong when I take care of myself emotionally, physically and spiritually.  I feel strong when I make smart choices or let go of things that hold me back.  I feel especially strong when I invite others into the journey with me.  What makes you feel strong?  How do you build strength?  Do you think it's alright to feel weak?

It's All in the Bag!

Savvy moms know there are lots of tricks to help get out the door and on the way to the next fun adventure.  Having a bag ready at all times makes our excursions much simpler and Mommy with one less thing to do as we hustle out the door.

I keep a bag packed and ready to grab.

The bag hangs right on our way out to the garage where we can load up in the van.

Notice that the children all have bags they can bring along, too.

The only thing to add are water bottles.

Inside we keep snacks, sunscreen, a few toys, wet wipes and such.  Often we don't even carry the bag into our destination, but knowing it is on hand is great in case we get into a situation where it's needed.

What is one thing you do to make life easier?

Smiley Days

I'm in a happy place right now, but I realize that just like the tough times - this feeling will probably pass at some point.  One of the truths that I learned during some very dark days is that "I won't always feel the way I do today."  That helps me make it though the rough times and reminds me to cherish these happy days.  I have lots of reasons to smile.

Yes, Mr. Wonderful is one of them.  I've enjoyed extra attention and time with him lately.  He is someone I admire so very much.

Summer has been unexepectedly delightful with a much relaxed schedule and fewer demands.  I've loved the carefree pace and enjoy the effortless fun in my children.

I'm thankful for the peace and joy and time to treasure good things.  But change is on the horizon.  School begins in two weeks.  We will have a new childcare routine and change always takes some adjustment time. 

Do you take time to enjoy when things are going well? Sometimes I pre-stress about upcoming events which I don't need to take on yet.  Let's remember the good!  Can you name something that makes you smile today?

My children are camping with their Dad, so I'm enjoying a clean house that stays clean for a few days!