Thursday, October 10, 2013
Mine, Yours, Ours - What?
I hope the label softens with time. We have only been married for two months.
My husband has two daughters in high school. Because I am Missy, I request people never use the Ms. (Ms. Missy is too much Misery to me). So I've always been, "Dad's girlfriend, Missy." Now I am "My stepmom, Missy." I still regret the title of Stepmom, but it seems to be the easiest way the girls have of quickly defining my role to their friends.
We do refer to the children as "Our children" and do not designate when we talk about them to others. You're right, most people never need to know the exact nature of the relationship. We have all five children the vast majority of the time, and yet the age differences create natural lines. Often we refer the "the children" (my three, age 5, 7, 9) or "the girls" (his two, age 14, 16). When I talk to others about my family and children, I am talking about all five: I cook dinners for all, shop for all, run schedules for all, etc.
We are definitely still adjusting to living as a blended family. There are so many individuals and emotions to consider and sometimes it's just overwhelming! But keep reminding yourself that it is worth it! One things that encourages me is to talk with adult children of blended families and hear the important impact the "Steps" had on their lives. Two friends in particular had/have sweet, positive role models and influences: one from a Step Dad, one from a Step Mom...and the relationships weren't always smooth. This helps me know the end result is worth the confusion and work now.