Make the Most of the Days (When Your Kids are Gone)

These cuties are gone for the week.

One of the challenges of divorce and co-parenting with an ex is that sometimes your children are gone for extended periods of time while traveling with their other parent.  If you are centering your family life around your children, their absence will be devastating and that should be a red flag to shift your perspective.

In any marriage, the husband-wife relationship must be the priority.  In second marriages, it's harder make that true because the children existed prior to the relationship and there is more history which creates a tighter bond.  I've witnessed marriages fail because one spouse cannot put the other above their child.

For me, I have to remember that it isn't either/or.  It's possible and healthy to have both.  So, those times my kiddos are vacationing with their dad become prime opportunities to relax and enjoy my husband.  With intention, the extended holidays where my children are with their dad are islands of connection in the busy schedule for my husband and me.

I know it stinks to wave goodbye while your children go to enjoy a vacation with their other parent, but take this time to really invest in your relationship with your husband. You and he are the foundation for your family.

• Plan some downtime and relax without demands.
• Cook his favorite meals.
• Wear something new in the bedroom or just on the sofa (or simply pull out something you have cared to wear for a while).
• Be his girlfriend and remember how you engaged with him while you were dating.
• Make a simple date.
• Book an evening with adult friends.

If you're like us, between careers and children, it's easy for our relationship to get leftovers.  That might keep you afloat, but nobody is excited about leftovers.  The secret sauce of second marriages is that you often have some time alone while kids are with their other parent.  Seize that opportunity!

Even the most ardent love needs connection to be sustainable. Don't allow your husband to become the last person on your list.  Yes, kids are depending on you and yet he is, too.