Seven Years Into Blended Family Life - Here's How I Feel

Mr. Wonderful and I are celebrating our seven year anniversary.  There are so

many reasons that I am grateful to be married to him.  I find at year seven, we have already moved through several phases of life and cycles of family ups and downs. I now experience the peaks and valleys with a longer term perspective, knowing there are constant shifts in life and relationships.  Mr. Wonderful has always done well with long term vision.  More than ever, these sometimes subtle, sometimes jarring changes cause us to turn toward one another for balance and stability.

I don't have a seven-year-itch, instead I find myself more settled and content. How do you create a relationship where the unknown brings togetherness and doesn't drive you apart?  Here is what has worked for us.

Watch and observe and take time to really know the man to whom you consider giving your life.  The time before you marry is the time to be real about who he is. Guard against glossing over those things that might annoy and especially the character flaws that we all have. Denying the hard things will only create more challenges later.

Be willing to risk honesty.  Most days I love being a married mom and step mom.  Some days are really tough and draining.  Every day requires stamina and strength and when those are running short, I ask for help. I step away for time alone or confide in a friend when I'm struggling.  I choose to be gracious in my expectations of myself and others.

Own your role as your husband's wife.  Be his person. It's easy for me to slip into mom-mode and home manager.  But my husband chose me because I was an awesome girlfriend (I was trying). Remember to flirt, rub his feet (or his back) and be his cheerleader.

There is no one way to do family life and step families have even more variables and complications.  Learn as you go.  Recalculate when needed and stick together when it's hard to figure out the right path. When it's good, blended life something to behold and to be proud of.  When it's not good, don't fret because it's gonna change.

Come to terms with letting go and holding things loosely - especially your expectations. This sneaks up to hit me again often. When I feel disappointed, it is usually because I'm assuming someone in the family is going to behave a certain way and I have never communicated that. Then I get let down when things don't go according to the un-discussed script in my head.

Step parenting is hard.  Some days it's all sparkles and glitter.  Mostly it is unseen service and sacrifice.  Hopefully, you get to the point of respect and mutual admiration where you are genuine friends with your step kids.  As a step mom, my greatest role has been in supporting their dad as the parent and creating a home. No more, no less. Accept that there are vast arenas in which you are not welcome and have no control.  It's okay.  I notice there are time when Mr. Wonderful is trying to find his footing in his role as step dad.  These relationships are complicated and ever-changing.  Accept what each child is able to give and really focus on the partnership of marriage to provide security.

I'm STILL excited to be his wife.  I'm more secure in our relationship than ever and love the history we have together.  We have made so many memories and shared the load that life brings.  I pray my own children have partnerships like ours one day and experience the security and acceptance he gives me.  Looking ahead,  I know life will be sweeter together.