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Recent Reads Worth Checking Out:

Applying the HALT Method in Parenting @ Simple Mom

Standing Up For Yourself @ Since My Divorce

Be a Super Fun Mom @ Motherhood Your Way

On Personal History @ Grit and Glory

Escape!

 

My life today isn’t what I thought it would be. Dealing with issues of co-parenting, daycare and learning to be financially independent while striving to be the best Mama and follow faithfully after Christ sometimes makes me just feel overwhelmed! Who else struggles with balancing all the demands from yourself and others?
Today I’m escaping with my little ones for a real vacation! It’s a splurge to be sure, and I’m so thrilled to go to the beach with them, after feeling so left out last year. I survived.  We are going with my parents to a condo somewhere on the East Coast of Florida. I’m really looking forward to some carefree, relaxed days.  I'm really glad there will be an equal ratio of grown-ups to children so that we don't lose anyone on the beach!

So, yes – life is full of trouble. Lots of it. Relationship trouble, health trouble, financial trouble, just stuff. Some we can affect or influence, some we just have to deal with as it comes. And in the middle of our trouble, there is space for fun, for peace and trusting that God has it all under control. I’m very thankful for a few days to escape. School starts in less than two weeks and will have a brand new kindergartener!

So, for the rest of the year when I can’t escape to a beach, share with me some ways you like to escape for bit…

The Irony of Divorce

When children are involved, you will never be able to separate fully from your spouse.  The bizarre truth is that more communication is necessary to bridge the gap between what happens during their time with mom and their time with dad.  Some of the very frustrations I experienced when married, I still experience when attempting to work out details with Daddy. 

Accepting that the connection and necessary dependence continues is tough, epecially when there are differences of opinion about what is best for the children.  I wish I had a great idea about how to work through and solve this scenario, but I do not.

Co-parenting requires me to get out of my own agenda and truly evaluate what is best for the children.  I try to look at things from their point of view and to honor the love they have for Daddy.  Also, I must consider the longer term ramifications for decisions made today and any precedents which may be set.  For me this is extremely challenging.  My tendency is to take the course of least resistance and saying, "No" often creates false guilt.  Isn't it strange how the issues I had in marriage are the issues I continue to deal with?  I guess there are some things I will work on my whole life. 

For me, my children are the greatest joys and investment I have.  Because of this, I weigh decisions deeply and I'm sensitive to their experience.  I'm quite sure I haven't made every decision 'right,' but I'm also confident I've done my very best, and will continue to do so.  I pray that they look on me with grace in their adult lives, forgiving where I've fallen short and laughing with me about the small things that feel so major right now. 

At the end of the day, I cannot parent away my children's need for a Savior.  Even if I was perfect, er "Flawless," they will need Jesus.  This truth enables me to be gentle to myself and allow Him to fill the gaps of my shortcoming with His goodness.  My ongoing prayer is that each of them turns to God when they face challenges and not away from Him in anger or rebellion.

Please share if you are co-parenting, is it a cooperative relationship?

It's Going to be a Good Day!

Yesterday, my heel broke on the last pair of black shoes I own to wear in the summertime.  This morning, I'm wearing a pair that is very similar in appearance, but oh-so-stinking-comfortable!  I never realized how uncomfortable my othe pair was until I experienced this.  My life is a bit like that.  I didn't realize how unhealthy my marriage and home were until I experienced the peace I have today.  Certainly, the problems are not gone but I'm much more able to be myself and respond in the ways I sense to be right. 

My list of challenges has not been eliminated, yet I'm working on plans to address each situation.  In the meantime, today is going to be a good one!  Last fall I sold our Little Tykes swing set, which my children had mostly outgrown -  I hope another family is enjoying it.  Today a bigger, wooden swing set is being set up in our back yard.  We have saved birthday money, great grandma helped with a few suprpise 'swingset checks' and finally the money we earned from items sold at a garage sale last week put us over the top to purchase a fun play set from a friend.  Yes, her children are in a season ahead of mine and so she offered to let me buy it from them.  The cherry on top is that her husband is setting it up!  Yay! 

How can a day with a new (to us) swing set not be a good one? 
Other good news? 

• A friend is delivering her baby boy right now. 
• I went to dinner with a new friend last night - hope the friendship grows.
• God has provided so much and I know he will continue.
• My firstborn loved his first week at day camp!
• One week from now is vacation.

In this world there are going to be troubles, but there are also innumerable blessings.  What are yours today? 

Endurance

One of the aspects of single motherhood that I find the most difficult is how easily I’m toppled. I feel like I’m always one step away from complete disaster and there is so much out of my control. I not enjoy the sensation of “living on the edge” at all times, but I must say that it has increased my faith. I do not have all the solutions to the challenges that enter our lives. My first reaction is often to panic.  The responsibility weighs heavily on me.

 

What I am continuing to learn is that my first reaction cannot be the one where I settle. It’s alright to let that sense of panic and paralysis wash over me, but I’ve got to move onto pursuing a plan.

 

This week I’ve had several hurdles for which there is no quick fix.

• Communication with my ex is difficult. There are discrepencies between his version and mine, disagreements about dates, competition for the children’s affection. It is not pretty and very stressful. 
• My babysitter unexpectedly quit, citing drama in her own personal life. She was a fantastic gift whom I trusted greatly and I’m very sad to have lost the consistency and help she provided our family. I’m also scrambling to cover childcare while I work. I’m considering that I will need to place my youngest in full time daycare style setting to eliminate the dramatic and undependable individual care we have enjoyed at home. This will be a big shift for him and for me. It coincides with my daughter beginning kindergarten next month.  I'm relying on my village today.
• My home suffered damage in the recent storms. We need a new roof, siding and soffit repair, as well as some additional work. I am thankful for insurance, but the deductible and the oversight of these tasks is a job for which I am not prepared and will have to learn much.

Each week feels like another challenge. I’m doing my best to honor God when circumstances are difficult. I find myself so weary. I’m trying to shelter my children from the stress, and selfishly I just want thing to go smoothly for a while.

 

Clearly, God has allowed these challenges and from experience I know that He already has provided the solutions. In this world we will have troubles and this isn't the first time I've faced them.  I am praying for strength and joy right in the middle of the chaos. It’s not handling one issue that proves one’s integrity, it is the enduring devotion and faith that persists when there is no end to the challenge in sight. I must keep my eyes focused on our God who is more than capable because my weakness makes me feel so very vulnerable.  Today, I'm reminding myself of this hourly.

Another First: Purchased a Van!

For the first time in my life, I purchased a vehicle all by myself. Even before I was married, my parents made the arrangements and I just paid for my vehicle. In marriage, my spouse heard my requests and made the decision. But when my van was diagnosed to cost more in repairs than it is worth when running well, I knew it was time to look for a decent used vehicle.

I began scouring Craigslist and looking at most every mini-van that was listed. Fairly quickly it became clear what I would and would not be able to afford in a van. It’s always a bit hard to reconcile what I want, with what I can reasonably afford. So, I narrowed my search and determined some markers that I would look for:

• No older than my existing 2002 model.
• As close to 100,000 miles as possible.
• No known mechanical issues.
• Rear air vents for the kiddos.
• At least one “amenity” like auto sliding doors or dvd player.
• Could be paid for in cash or feasibly paid in full by the end of the year.

I test drove eight vehicles. I made offers on four. This weekend, I finally purchased one! I am thrilled to have the decision behind me and thankful that I found a great deal. Our van has the automatic sliding doors, but no dvd player – much to the chagrin of my children. But it runs well and is comfortable and I feel safe driving it wherever we choose to go.

It was oh-so-tempting to 'upgrade' to a van with more perks than my budget could reasonably afford, but I'm very thankful that I refrained from overspending.  Once again, I see God providing before I knew about my need. 

The experience of researching, test driving and purchasing a vehicle was a new one for me. If I was not divorced, I would not have had a big part in the task and so there is a sense of victory in having accomplished the purchase. Many thanks to my father who listened to me recount my test-driving, received many emails describing vehicles and finally helped me locate the chosen vehicle in the backwoods of East Tennessee. I take full ownership of my purchase, but I would not have found it without his persevering navigation skills.

I love being a mini-van-mama!

In the Thick of It

This week is going pretty well, but last week was a doozey!  So, this week I'm in the middle of several projects like contacting insurance about storm damage to the home, researching used van values & reliability, spending time with my family in town for a visit and working as many hours as possible to fund our vacation next month.  I hope you're having a great summer, share one obstacle you have overcome in the comments!