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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Troubles

I've been having a difficult time sleeping lately, even though I'm trying to do the "right" things by taking time to unwind, no late night computer or tv, in bed at a decent time, avoiding caffiene.  Still, I often find myself still awake at 1:30 or 2:00 am.  My human self can handle a night or two of this, but the cummulative effects are not good as night after night becomes a pattern.  
This is my youngest, I pray they remain this carefree.
Obviously he has no trouble sleeping!
Today I feel drained, physically weak and I can tell my body is fighting an infection (sore throat, swollen glands).  I'm trying to stay on top of it with vitamins and healthful food - this single mama doesn't have time to be sick!

Sometimes, I write down what is bothering me so that I can release the need to dwell on it and hopefully sleep.  Sometimes it really works!  Here was a recent list:
  1. Childcare (my babysitter recently accepted a different, ful-time position)
  2. Money/Provision (I missed about 3 days of work last week because of snow!)
  3. Party Plans & New Bed (current projects)
  4. School performance - first grader showing some troubling patterns of behavior
  5. Work performance - me
  6. Personal ambitions
  7. Loneliness, weight of responsibility, lack of partnership
M left a message last night that he will be unable to get the children this week because of work conflicts.  Usually I don't want to send them away, but this week I was really hopeful for the alone time to renew, rest, plan for an upcoming party and even get a haircut.  Now all those things will be scratched or worked in to the normal daily routines of homework, baths, meals, etc.  It's okay, this is my life - they are my life.  I'm so learning to hold my schedule loosely, and that is a lesson I do not enjoy.