|photo source: happylittleart.blogspot.com|
At the beginning, I held back a little. Okay, I held back a lot and I still find myself fighting that impulse. The good thing is that now I recognize it and usually choose to do the opposite: I call him. Reach out to him. Share something. Make myself vulnerable.
Complicated. Vulnerable. Incredible. Hopeful. Inspiring.
Yet finding companionship and passion with another human has reminded me how much I crave it. I have a great capacity for love, to give and to share, to support, laugh, play and dream with another person. I have found that in my guy which delights me to no end, makes me feel giddy like a young girl.
The man I have discovered is different from what I thought I might find in this season of life. He is all the standard things any woman would want: responsible, moral, kind, charming. He meets every item I needed on my "list." You have a list, right? I think it's important to have a short list of bottom-line necessities that you know you need in a partner. There are many things I want and so many more that I didn't even know ask for. My man is not perfect, yet the imperfections allow me to be flawed, too.
And we all are so flawed.
Now I find myself balanced precariously in this place of hope and basking, to doubting he could feel the same. I am cautious to keep my emotions based on me and not give that power to another person as I did in the past when I let my ex determine how I felt. But to care what someone feels and thinks does give that person a measure of power, and it feels so risky. I'm taking the risk, but I wish I knew how the story ended!
It would have been easier to wrap my heart in a protective shell and never risk getting hurt again. Now I know I wouldn't miss this moment for anything. Whether for now or for always, I'm thankful for the chance to connect with someone in so many ways.
Has anyone else taken a recent risk? Do you have a 'list' for what you need in a partner? Is there really such thing as a second chance in life and love? Do share!