When I Am Afraid....

I will trust in Thee. Psalm 56:3

Fear is not the first response for me when facing unknown situations. Denial is usually my first go-to.  That's not healthy either and as I've grown, I've learned to live in reality.  Reality means that where I used to feel fearless (I wasn't, it was a mask), I now allow fear to be real. 

Now I find that if I don't stop the triggers, I find myself in a loop cycle where each news alert and blurb of info amplifies the impulse to respond.  I'm a doer and a fixer, and so with new bit of information I hear a new directive. 

In the beginning this was productive. I made a recipe list and shopped for the things my family would need.  Our medicine cabinet was stocked, our pantry prepared and I began to think of projects we could accomplish at home. I had dreams of the best Spring Clean ever!

Then our spring break trip got cancelled and we were sad.  A friend had to postpone her wedding celebration (they will have a private ceremony).  Entire cities and countries began to shut down and school is closed for who knows how long?  My step daughter moved back home from university.  So much disruption left me feeling unsettled and uneasy.

There is financial insecurity.  There is social isolation.  There is over-stimulating family togetherness.  And there is extra laughter.  There are fewer schedule requirements that pull us apart.  There is more time for leisure reading and gardening.  There is joy in small things we might have missed.  For this I am so thankful.

I'm grasping onto these moments.  Somehow, I think our family will look back on these days with wonder and fondness.  I love that there is less pressure and fewer demands on my children.  They seem rested and relaxed in a way they haven't for quite some time. 

I'm turning away from the constant stream of news.  It's the only way to stop the trigger to "do something" each time a new edict or news factoid is shared. 

I'm getting outside as much as possible, and encouraging my family to do the same.  I'm cleaning closets and corners along with the rest of you - I do believe we will have the best spring cleaning season in decades!

Also, I'm still working in my office each day.  We aren't closed, as of now.  I'm supporting my staff, working to keep cash flowing and affect what I can.  I wish I was at home all day with my family, but I trust God knows where I can best serve.  It's all a good reminder for me that He is unchanging.  He is not absent and will walk us through this time of uncertainty. 

The calendar turned to spring last week, and time will continue.  Throughout history pandemics have altered the human way of life so my focus will remain on the One who already knows the outcome.