Merry Christmas!

 

Tidings of Comfort & Joy!

It's the start of December and the holiday season has arrived.  I confess that the twinkle lights everywhere add a bit of magic and sparkle to my days.  I see all the photos of holiday decor ready to go, stunning in it's detail and creativity, and I already feel behind!  Because I love to savor Thanksgiving with our whole family, sometimes the Christmas season sneaks up on me.  I'm never done decorating after the long Thanksgiving weekend.  

There was a time I felt rushed and stressed, like I was missing out because I wasn't DONE decorating.  I've learned to embrace the unfolding of the holiday.  I never remember preparing for Christmas as a stressful time when I was a child...each day it simply became more and more like a wonderland in our home.  When I rush the preparation, I miss the anticipation.

There is still time to put wreaths on the windows and lights on the door frame.  The ornaments will be placed onto the tree and we will enjoy the memories of all they represent.  The build up of joy as we look to Christmas is the perfect reflection of hope which Christ fulfilled when He came to us.  

If you feel behind, it's not too late.  You don't have to have it all done or all together...ever.  Embrace the unfolding of hope and let yourself savor the simple joys that this season already offers.  If you are struggling to find the joy, I understand.  Invite Emmanuel into the difficult moments and places.  His light shines through the darkest days when we have eyes to see it.

May your days be festive and your heart light this year.

Thanksgiving for Two

This is the year that Mr. Wonderful and I will have a Thanksgiving meal for just us two.  It's always a little bittersweet, but now that we have some years of experience, we've learned to take what comes and make the best of the holiday.  Our blended family will gather on Saturday for our own celebration and to put finish with the holiday decorations.  Mr. Wonderful and I opt for a fancy steak dinner, instead of the traditional turkey and trimmings.

I've been thinking about how different my family life is than what I imagined. I remember being just sick with grief and anxiety when holidays looked so opposite from what I expected. I spent so much energy wishing things were otherwise and trying to overcompensate for the perceived shortcomings. Learning to accept and live with disappointment has been a big area where I've had to grow in life.

I would love to have a big family meal on Thanksgiving, especially with my children. I struggle to accept that they are just a few miles away, enjoying the meal with their father and that part of their family.  I have to work hard to choose gratefulness for something that I wish wasn't true.  

The same is true for so many things in life from the meaningless (I'm really not a fan of my son's '70's hairstyle) to the truly lasting (I wish I had a closer relationship with my daughter).  Life is so full of disappointment.  I can do what I am able to change things, but ultimately I must accept that all is not rosy and life is less than perfect.  

Thanksgiving morning will find me alone.  Alone is an extremely rare thing for me so I'm going to enjoy the solitude.  I'll go for a walk, enjoy my coffee and putter around without any demands on my energy.  I can't wait.  I'm thankful.  It's not how I would design my day if it was all up to me, but it's still going to be a good day.  

Other Posts About Thanksgiving:

The Sweet Side Effect of Gratitude

Thankful

Blessings

Can I Feel Sad & Grateful at the Same Time?

I'm So Thankful, But the Table Will Be Empty This Year

How Do a Soul Self Care Check

I've heard several in my circles express that life feels mundane, dull or simply unfulfilling.  The daily grind can pulverize us into a rut that steals the joy from our daily tasks.  If you find yourself losing the joie de vivre of your days, or struggling to experience pleasure in activities that you normally enjoy, then it is time for a deep self care check up.

Questions to ask:

1. Am I often angry, verging on bitter?
2. Does my emotional intensity match the situation? (am I making everything a big deal?)
3. How am I sleeping?  How is my appetite?  How is my health?
4. Am I numbing myself with mindless scrolling?  Am I using excuses for alcohol, caffeine or drugs?
5. When did I last have the energy to do something fun or unproductive, just for the sake of enjoyment?

If you're not thrilled with your answers, it's okay.  You can choose to shift the momentum right now by intentionally choosing to improve.  What can you do right now, in your current circumstances to support yourself emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally?  I'll answer, too.  

Ruts are no fun. Even though we all experience them, there is no reason to remain in the trance-like state any longer.  

Here is my plan:

    Emotionally - I am working on not taking other people's rudeness or criticality into my heart.

    Physically - Enjoying the meals I love and yet choosing smaller portions so that I feel lighter. Also, walking outdoors as much as possible and prioritizing sleep.

    Spiritually - Choosing to be kind and intentional.  Living in the faith that has been made stronger through years of God's provision and care (reminding myself of this when I feel insignificant).

    Mentally - Allowing more margin in my schedule so that I am not as stressed or feeling bounced from one activity to another.  Enjoying fiction through audio books.

I would really love to hear if you make a plan!  If you can't work on all, choose one area and take a step forward.  This isn't for those of us who need deep life changes. Most of us know how to live (to pay bills, do the laundry, feed the kids), but it's also important to have a life (joy! wonder! thrills! connection).

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!

 

Getting older has many drawbacks, but there are so many joys to share, also!  One of my favorite are the friends gathered along the way.  Lifelong friends are such a treasure and I'm so grateful for the girls who know me well.  They loved my self-centered and idealistic 20-year-old self and supported me through all the upheavals that shifted me into a more realistic and family-centered person of today. Investing in friendships, getting deep and making the effort is one of the best decisions I've made!

Over Labor Day weekend, we gathered in Texas to celebrate our friendship.  We support each other daily through texts, calls, birthday cards and individual visits.  Once a year, we try to gather in person as a group.  I love them all so much!

These are the most supportive, encouraging, wise and kind people that I know - and they know me well, weakness and strengths, failures, foibles and successes. God gave them to me as teachers and partners in the path of motherhood and marriage.

"Carry each others burdens, and in this way

You will fulfill the law of Christ."

Galatians 6:2

The Sweet Spot

I feel like we are in a uniquely sweet season of family life.  I've lived enough life to know that it will change and so I want to savor the sense of well-being for this  particular moment.  I recognize that this very season is a unique one for our little family, and deserves to be celebrated.  

My three bio children are home with two in high school and an eighth grader.  The high schoolers.  The oldest and youngest are best of friends, with a sister in the middle to add a dash of drama.  Their camaraderie is tangible.  It's been so fun to relive high school through their lens.  So much has changed, yet so much remains the same.

My senior guy is on the football team and the youngest in eighth grade is playing with the high school band.  We didn't think there would be another time they would all be at school together, but this feels close.  Friday night draws us into the community and we get to see one on the team, one in the band and one in the social circles of student fan life.  

As mom's we know change is the norm and so this brief interlude is something to savor.  Soon my firstborn will graduate.  Life will shift into another season.  I'm sure it will have it's own joys, yet it will never hold quite the same magic as this fun time.

Often, we recognize the value of a moment when it is gone, have you ever caught the joy of season as it unfolds?  

Another Year to Cherish

Year 8 has been a sweet one for me in this marriage to Mr. Wonderful.  Our anniversary day is filled with office work, parent-meetings, school activities and lots of mundane-ness.  I told him I didn't want any jewelry but I wanted to do something special this coming weekend.  Last year, the whole family climbed up Mt. LeConte.  This year, I want to be with just him and relish the moment.  

I love and adore this man I have chosen.  Sometimes I still can't believe how we found one another and have built a life together.  We are so blessed.

Something to Celebrate! Our Visit to Branson Shores

Fifty years of marriage is a big deal.  Our family gathered in June to honor my parents for their golden anniversary.  I'm so very grateful for the heritage of family and faith passed down to me by Rob and Sharon Hoffman.  I'm thankful for each member of our tribe and loved being together!

A Summer Escape to the Mountains! Our Visit to Helen, GA

My love of the Smoky Mountains is well-known, but I've never visited the town  of Helen, GA before.  It's at the southern most tip of Appalachia where the Smoky-Blue Ridge Mountains of East Tennessee, North Carolina and North Georgia converge. 

I've heard about the little village for years, but this year my in-laws rented a cabin and invited our family to come for a few days. We weren't sure what to expect after years of vacay on the shore.  But with a little planning and an attitude for adventure, we had a blast.

We arrived on July 4. Be warned, there is no direct interstate into town.  You will wind through state parks and a national forest on two-lane roads where you must drive slowly.  It's okay, let that speed get you into the slow-down groove.  We arrived and got settled, then had a traditional Independence Day cookout on the grill.  Our cabin had beautiful views, a great hot tub and felt secluded while being just a half mile from main street.

We watched the town fireworks from above.  I brought some of our own...but we thought it might not be wise to set them off in a new area.

The town of Helen itself is darling.  I enjoyed morning walks without the crowds where the flowers and colors felt like a real life fairy tale.  The Bavarian-Alpine theme was fun.  Alpine mini golf felt like an oasis with their colorful gardens, statuary and well groomed course.  It was clear they care for the course and we enjoyed our game.  My mother-in-law had the time of her life and was our winner, including several holes-in-one.

Betty's Country Store is the place to get what you need for your stay.  Fresh meats, baked goods and pantry staples along with fresh honey or old fashioned sodas are all waiting here.  We had breakfast (and baked goods) from Hofers which was excellent.  I enjoyed the German fare at Bodensee, and the service was fantastic. We sampled pretzels, schnitzel, spaetzle and more.  We found Mexican food one night, too, but nothing overly special.  Otherwise, we ate sandwiches or grilled at the lodge.  

My mother in law made a reservation for us to go white water rafting on the Chattooga River.  This was incredible!  I'm so thankful for the experience and hope to do it again soon.  We used Wildwater Rafting company for our trip. 

Our group had to divide into two boats.  One made it through the rapids (backwards) and one toppled.  It was exhilarating and nerve wrenching, but most of all fun!

There are many nearby hikes, and the Unicoi State Park is just a few miles outside of Helen.  The boys fished a couple of afternoons, with no results.  We loved the hike to Anna Ruby Falls.  It is steep but fully paved and follows a beautiful stream through lush forest. You will be rewarded with two waterfalls when you reach the end of the trail.  Note, there is a $5 fee to enter the park area.  

Another nearby walkway is the Helen-Hardman Trail.  You will find the entrance just off Edelweiss and it follows the Chattahoochee River, once again providing a wonderful bubbling brook soundtrack.  History is told through several markers where you can learn about the early times of the area.  If you want to get off the beaten track, you can venture left to see old mining equipment and even the upper/lower entrance to the mine.  The Hardman Farm is charming and I appreciate the worker at the welcome center.  Note, there is a $6 fee to enjoy the farm, but there is no cost to enjoy the walkway.

We tried axe throwing for the first time, and found a new family fun activity.  AxeBilly accommodated our group and it was so fun to see who had skill...and who did not.

Whenever I hear of Helen, GA, I hear about the tubing.  If the weather cooperates, you really have to join the fun.  Cool River Tubing has a long and short track, and we chose the longer version.  The river was moving at a great speed and it was fun to laugh together as we floated down the Chattahoochee.  The first half is spent in the woods and with natural surroundings which I love.  Then, you just float through town for anyone to see.  

We weren't sure what to expect, after spending so many summer vacations at Hilton Head.  We were so pleasantly surprised that the week was fun and relaxing, and offered new experiences to share together.

I imagine the whole place would be delightful in the fall or at Christmastime! 

To the Mothers

Mothering is a long road. There were many years that Mother's Day was a difficult day for me, as I longed to join those who had that title.  Then my turn arrived when my first child was born the evening before Mother's Day.  It was the best day of my life to that point.  I will always remember the complete joy of being cared for in the hospital, my son proudly by my side while so many friends dropped by to visit.  My own mother was nearby, making sure I was comfortable and encouraging me all the way.  It was delightful.

Mothering is a long term commitment. Four years later, I was the mother of three and I longed for a day  of relaxing in bed, free from messes, sibling rivalry and the unending chores of a household.  But I was still so grateful for each of my little ones and my arms were full of wiggly bodies, my heart overflowing with love for them. Those children gave me reasons to laugh and smile through my most difficult days, and kept me motivated to keep going because I knew they were depending on me to give them my best.

Ten years after my first Mother's Day, I added Stepmom to my title.  I would have never guessed!  Even more so, I came to take the long view and understand that the effort was not for the short term and that this motherhood gig was not a quick return on investment.  Gaining two bonus daughters gave me a front row seat to how quickly life passes and little ones grow, but the daily tasks often feel endless.

Mothering is a mostly done behind closed doors, alone with only God as a witness.  It is a private mission that we hope will change the world through the children we help to shape and mold into adults who are kind and productive.  There are endless duties of training, praying, teaching, loving which are an unseen ministry.  We don't see the result of our efforts for many years.  Mothering is a long term project.  Only God will know the sacrifices, the worries and heart poured into our charges.  

Only when I became a mother did I appreciate the way my own mother loved and sacrificed for me: the energy and the passion she gave for us (my sister and me), the fun infused into every task.  I'm thankful for the security I felt and the overwhelming knowledge that I am loved no matter what.  In mid-life, I can appreciate these things that I had no way to understand in youth.

Mothering is a long term investment.  We don't get to see the outcome for many years.  We must shift our tactics, adjust our expectations, rewrite the script according the way life unfolds.  Along the way we guide our children and turn their eyes to Christ who never changes.  We do our best and pray through the times we fall short or just don't know what do do.  Sometimes we have help, sometimes we feel very alone in our duty.  Through it all we remain devoted and committed to our kids.  

Mother, your work is the work of life. You are the hands and feet of God on earth to our future generations.  Your efforts are so valuable and costly, but the reward is rich.  The minutia of life is the medium of your artwork and your investment will live long beyond your own years.

My bonus daughters are now living away from home and my bios are all in their teens.  Our home is so different than it was when the mothering years had the heaviest physical burden. Today the weight is in continuing to connect, to infuse love and values into the times we get to share.  The great task I feel is to guide these lives to independence and purpose with the legacy of family that will continue beyond our living together.  

Mothering is a lifelong task.  I don't plan to step away from the title when the last one turns 18.  The myth of "Eighteen Summers" is one I reject because I intend to be their encourager for life.  From car seats, toy cars and car keys to car purchases - It's exciting to see dreams coming true, futures taking shape and plans starting to form.  I get to be the one to provide feedback, support and direction.  

Thank you, God, for the children you have given me.  It is the role of my life to be a mother and I do not take it lightly.  It is the passion from which so much else has emerged and a gift to me daily.  

Sending all my love to the dear moms of everyday who are in the life-giving business of raising humans.  It is a job that is never complete, that takes years to realize the reward.  You are heroes.