Moody Monday

As you can imagine, this weekend was quite full of emotion and I was grateful to have my mother in town to listen, remind me of so many truths and just commisserate with me from time to time.  We laughed a bit because there was a time when I was so shut down to my emotions, that no one would have known I was hurting inside, even my own mother. Now I can function at work or the ballgame, and still be authentic enough to those I trust to let them see my feelings.  I can be real even with myself.  It's growth for me. 

This Monday I'm feeling more in control of my emotions, though still tender.  I've got a lot to keep me busy at work and home and then I have an unusual weekend free from childcare duties.  I'll make some plans with friends and enjoy the downtime. 

It's Monday, but after the onslaught of emotions I felt this weekend, I don't feel particularly moody today.

Crushed.

I knew this was a very real possibility when I made myself vulnerable.  But it really stinks, and hurts a lot.  I learned that I do want to be in a relationship again - but I wanted it with him, not just anyone. 

The door is not completely closed with Mr. Wonderful, but there are valid concerns.

He was - still is - wonderful.

In Life, You Count!




I hope I'm not losing my mind, but there are certain days when surely I'm close to it.  The immediate frustration of messess, homework, willful children and laundry piles just drive me to seeming madness.  Usually I get to this point when I've put myself at the bottom of priorities and the others in my life follow by doing the same. 

I need to value myself and treat myself with respect.  So do you.   You're not the only one who feels the madness of mommyhood.  Let's take acton and change course today.  It all has to do with
R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

1. Know what you want, know what you need.  Good mothers put everyone else first, and we've usually done it for so long that we lose ourselves in the process.  It's okay, we do this to survive, to equip our children and because of our innate nurturing qualities.  But we exhaust ourselves managing everyone else's happiness, schedule, emotions and our own anxiety.  Drop the need for things to be "just so," or perfect.  It sucks the life out of you more than gets you to the place you desire of true joy.  So make a list of what you need more of, less of  and what you miss.  Here's mine: More - Time to read.  Less - interpersonal conflict.  Miss - feeling connected. 
2. Be assertive about your needs and wants.  Why should anyone else make your needs a priority if you don't?  It's okay to tell your children you need some private time.  Schedule something to feed your sould or eliminate something that is causing undue stress.  Take action, don't just wish your way to repeating the same patterns. 
3. Demonstrate self-respect and they will respect you, too.  Your time and life are important.  Martyrs do not good mothers make, so build some of that margin into your family routine.    Spend some time on something you love for nothing more than the pure joy of it: reading, photography, hiking are things I love and have done little lately.  Incorporate the family, if that works, but do it for you!  Plan a get-away without the children - I've got one on the calendar in June and I just can't wait!  The anticipation gives me something for which to strive. 

We mothers are doing so much for so many.  Remember, it's your life you're living!  Choose to invest in yourself so that you can give to others.  What can you do just for yourself today?

Moving Forward When Divorce Strikes

When facing a divorce, the stable ground on which you intended to build your life begins to shiver and quake.  Not being a child of divorce, my marriage was the one thing I thought would not change, never be in question and would be the predictable thread in this changing world.  It was not so.

When I finally realized that my life was never going to be the same, it freed me to move forward.  For so long I grieved what I imagined that I had (but did not).  I longed for things to be the way I had imagined and wanted.  Not until I acknowledged that it wasn't ever that way to begin with did I open myself to the possibilty of another future.

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Life is going to be different from my plan.  Yours will, too.  But really, life never goes according to a plan, anyhow and I can make a new plan accordingly. 

Different doesn't mean worse.

Different might be better.  In the case of a difficult marriage, it probably will be better.

Different is full of possibilities. 

Divorce and disappointment aren't things you get over.  We must learn to work though all the gory details of our lives falling apart, and then the hard work of putting it back together.  The very exciting part is that you have more control and experience to put back into life exactly what you truly want.

Moody Monday - Umbrella Optional

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The day began rainy and cold but at lunchtime it is mild and sunny! Isn't it wonderful when change happens in a positive direction?  I love it.  The gray days are getting old.

My week will be full and I'm looking forward to celebrating my sweet daughter's birthday, with all the extras that party planning requires. 

My mood is light and I'm ready to tackle the week.  This weekend my tax return was completed and I fell deepr in love with Netflix ... why-oh-why did I go so long without you? 

Now on to another week of numbers, sports schedules, cleaning routines and endless laundry.  It's a sweet life!

Finding Time - To Date

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Recently a reader commented:

I'm a single mother too...but I just don't know how I would find time for a man. My daughter takes up all of my time outside of work and I would feel like I was neglecting her if I started leaving her with sitters so I could go out on dates...I could only really feel comfortable with one date a week...but I would feel that one date a week would be neglecting the man's needs as well. I just feel like there's not enough of me to go around. How do you find the time to do it and do you have any advice?


It's true - solo parenting is an all-consuming task and there are not enough hours in the day to accomplish all I wish I could do.  There are few margins in life and fitting one more something in takes effort.  However, because I actively co-parent with my former spouse, I usually have at least one free night each week.  As we wrestled with the pareting time and plan at the time of our separation, one of my dearest friends jokingly encouraged that this night without children could become my date night.  I just stared at her in horror, because the LAST thing I wanted at that point was to date.  Seriously?

So my nights off became nights for myself.  Early on, this night became the evening I went to my therapist.  I spent much of my time catching up with housework, never-ending laundry an extra project like painting a room.  I made the effort to get out with my girlfriends every so often and spent some time alone shopping/wishingful thinking.  Many times, I just zoned in front of the tv and enjoyed downtime. I did a lot of processing, healing, dreaming and becoming more myself.  Learning who I am and to be comfortable in my own skin is going to be a life-long journey, I think.  Eventually, I admitted, that even though I don't need a man, I really do want that kind of relationship in my life.  Deep down, there is still a bit of hopeless romantic in me.  Soon after and quite unexpectedly - I had my first ever blind date.

We're still seeing each other, and it hasn't been easy to make it happen because of busy schedules.  He has children, too, and we both had rich, full lives before meeting.  Yet being with him is a priority.  So, I've had to adjust to fit more chores into daily life and leave that weeknight free.  I still make time to be with my friends through small group at church and monthly girls' nights out.  So when do I see my man?

• Very occassionally, we meet for a lunch date - what a great escape during the work week!
• He joins me at home after the children are in bed - scandalous!
• I meet him after church for lunch and we spend the afternoon together with his children - mine are with their Daddy most Sunday afternoons.
• I hired a babysitter - frivolous, yes?
• We bring the whole crew together (hello, five children between us) - it's only happened a couple of times with varying degrees of enjoyment.

So, we generally get to see each other a couple of times each week, sometimes more, rarely less.  We talk daily, flirt by text and hash out details in email sometimes.  Sometimes, it feels like I don't have energy for one more thing in my schedule.  But this man is fun, amusing, encouraging and gets me.  My time with him gives me more than it takes away and the only thing I would wish for more of is time to spend together.  But this is enough for now.  The available time we have paces our relationship and will provide longevity to know each other in various seasons and experiences.  He's about to enter an especially busy time where we may see each other less.  I wonder how that will make me feel?

The bottom line is that you make time for what is important and Mr. K. has become very important to me.  Shhhhh - no one has noticed that my bathrooms and floors aren't cleaned quite as often.  Have you ever made room for something or someone else in your schedule?  When you prioritize, what
is the first to go?
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Shaping the Message of What it Means to be a Woman

I wear many titles and roles through life, but I first identify myself as a woman.  Being a woman is so fun, full of unpredictability, creates instant bonding with other women and lends an air of mystery to almost any situation.  It is my privilege to be a woman!
I get to model what womanhood means for my own daughter and for my boys.  My role will shape their expectations and attitudes so I am conscientious of the messages I send. 
Thank you to Missy for sharing these:
It's Almost Naptime

These thoughts fall right in line with the epidemic of perfection in our culture.  It is something which cannot be acheived and leads only to disappointment.