Something to Celebrate! Our Visit to Branson Shores

Fifty years of marriage is a big deal.  Our family gathered in June to honor my parents for their golden anniversary.  I'm so very grateful for the heritage of family and faith passed down to me by Rob and Sharon Hoffman.  I'm thankful for each member of our tribe and loved being together!

A Summer Escape to the Mountains! Our Visit to Helen, GA

My love of the Smoky Mountains is well-known, but I've never visited the town  of Helen, GA before.  It's at the southern most tip of Appalachia where the Smoky-Blue Ridge Mountains of East Tennessee, North Carolina and North Georgia converge. 

I've heard about the little village for years, but this year my in-laws rented a cabin and invited our family to come for a few days. We weren't sure what to expect after years of vacay on the shore.  But with a little planning and an attitude for adventure, we had a blast.

We arrived on July 4. Be warned, there is no direct interstate into town.  You will wind through state parks and a national forest on two-lane roads where you must drive slowly.  It's okay, let that speed get you into the slow-down groove.  We arrived and got settled, then had a traditional Independence Day cookout on the grill.  Our cabin had beautiful views, a great hot tub and felt secluded while being just a half mile from main street.

We watched the town fireworks from above.  I brought some of our own...but we thought it might not be wise to set them off in a new area.

The town of Helen itself is darling.  I enjoyed morning walks without the crowds where the flowers and colors felt like a real life fairy tale.  The Bavarian-Alpine theme was fun.  Alpine mini golf felt like an oasis with their colorful gardens, statuary and well groomed course.  It was clear they care for the course and we enjoyed our game.  My mother-in-law had the time of her life and was our winner, including several holes-in-one.

Betty's Country Store is the place to get what you need for your stay.  Fresh meats, baked goods and pantry staples along with fresh honey or old fashioned sodas are all waiting here.  We had breakfast (and baked goods) from Hofers which was excellent.  I enjoyed the German fare at Bodensee, and the service was fantastic. We sampled pretzels, schnitzel, spaetzle and more.  We found Mexican food one night, too, but nothing overly special.  Otherwise, we ate sandwiches or grilled at the lodge.  

My mother in law made a reservation for us to go white water rafting on the Chattooga River.  This was incredible!  I'm so thankful for the experience and hope to do it again soon.  We used Wildwater Rafting company for our trip. 

Our group had to divide into two boats.  One made it through the rapids (backwards) and one toppled.  It was exhilarating and nerve wrenching, but most of all fun!

There are many nearby hikes, and the Unicoi State Park is just a few miles outside of Helen.  The boys fished a couple of afternoons, with no results.  We loved the hike to Anna Ruby Falls.  It is steep but fully paved and follows a beautiful stream through lush forest. You will be rewarded with two waterfalls when you reach the end of the trail.  Note, there is a $5 fee to enter the park area.  

Another nearby walkway is the Helen-Hardman Trail.  You will find the entrance just off Edelweiss and it follows the Chattahoochee River, once again providing a wonderful bubbling brook soundtrack.  History is told through several markers where you can learn about the early times of the area.  If you want to get off the beaten track, you can venture left to see old mining equipment and even the upper/lower entrance to the mine.  The Hardman Farm is charming and I appreciate the worker at the welcome center.  Note, there is a $6 fee to enjoy the farm, but there is no cost to enjoy the walkway.

We tried axe throwing for the first time, and found a new family fun activity.  AxeBilly accommodated our group and it was so fun to see who had skill...and who did not.

Whenever I hear of Helen, GA, I hear about the tubing.  If the weather cooperates, you really have to join the fun.  Cool River Tubing has a long and short track, and we chose the longer version.  The river was moving at a great speed and it was fun to laugh together as we floated down the Chattahoochee.  The first half is spent in the woods and with natural surroundings which I love.  Then, you just float through town for anyone to see.  

We weren't sure what to expect, after spending so many summer vacations at Hilton Head.  We were so pleasantly surprised that the week was fun and relaxing, and offered new experiences to share together.

I imagine the whole place would be delightful in the fall or at Christmastime! 

To the Mothers

Mothering is a long road. There were many years that Mother's Day was a difficult day for me, as I longed to join those who had that title.  Then my turn arrived when my first child was born the evening before Mother's Day.  It was the best day of my life to that point.  I will always remember the complete joy of being cared for in the hospital, my son proudly by my side while so many friends dropped by to visit.  My own mother was nearby, making sure I was comfortable and encouraging me all the way.  It was delightful.

Mothering is a long term commitment. Four years later, I was the mother of three and I longed for a day  of relaxing in bed, free from messes, sibling rivalry and the unending chores of a household.  But I was still so grateful for each of my little ones and my arms were full of wiggly bodies, my heart overflowing with love for them. Those children gave me reasons to laugh and smile through my most difficult days, and kept me motivated to keep going because I knew they were depending on me to give them my best.

Ten years after my first Mother's Day, I added Stepmom to my title.  I would have never guessed!  Even more so, I came to take the long view and understand that the effort was not for the short term and that this motherhood gig was not a quick return on investment.  Gaining two bonus daughters gave me a front row seat to how quickly life passes and little ones grow, but the daily tasks often feel endless.

Mothering is a mostly done behind closed doors, alone with only God as a witness.  It is a private mission that we hope will change the world through the children we help to shape and mold into adults who are kind and productive.  There are endless duties of training, praying, teaching, loving which are an unseen ministry.  We don't see the result of our efforts for many years.  Mothering is a long term project.  Only God will know the sacrifices, the worries and heart poured into our charges.  

Only when I became a mother did I appreciate the way my own mother loved and sacrificed for me: the energy and the passion she gave for us (my sister and me), the fun infused into every task.  I'm thankful for the security I felt and the overwhelming knowledge that I am loved no matter what.  In mid-life, I can appreciate these things that I had no way to understand in youth.

Mothering is a long term investment.  We don't get to see the outcome for many years.  We must shift our tactics, adjust our expectations, rewrite the script according the way life unfolds.  Along the way we guide our children and turn their eyes to Christ who never changes.  We do our best and pray through the times we fall short or just don't know what do do.  Sometimes we have help, sometimes we feel very alone in our duty.  Through it all we remain devoted and committed to our kids.  

Mother, your work is the work of life. You are the hands and feet of God on earth to our future generations.  Your efforts are so valuable and costly, but the reward is rich.  The minutia of life is the medium of your artwork and your investment will live long beyond your own years.

My bonus daughters are now living away from home and my bios are all in their teens.  Our home is so different than it was when the mothering years had the heaviest physical burden. Today the weight is in continuing to connect, to infuse love and values into the times we get to share.  The great task I feel is to guide these lives to independence and purpose with the legacy of family that will continue beyond our living together.  

Mothering is a lifelong task.  I don't plan to step away from the title when the last one turns 18.  The myth of "Eighteen Summers" is one I reject because I intend to be their encourager for life.  From car seats, toy cars and car keys to car purchases - It's exciting to see dreams coming true, futures taking shape and plans starting to form.  I get to be the one to provide feedback, support and direction.  

Thank you, God, for the children you have given me.  It is the role of my life to be a mother and I do not take it lightly.  It is the passion from which so much else has emerged and a gift to me daily.  

Sending all my love to the dear moms of everyday who are in the life-giving business of raising humans.  It is a job that is never complete, that takes years to realize the reward.  You are heroes. 

Spring in My Step

 

I cannot help the feeling of hope that arrives with spring.  This year the sensation feels more intense after a particularly grueling winter, with many planned and unplanned setbacks.  We have made it through.  

Now I am ready to dig in and look forward.  Part of looking forward in our home is a garden.  So this weekend I'm adding more seeds and a few plants, but mostly doing the grunt work to get ready for the beauty later.  

Spring means looking ahead in treasuring the very moment I find myself today.  East Tennessee is beautiful in the fall, but our spring is just as colorful.  The wildflowers, blooming trees are stunning, but it all lasts just a moment.  

I'm reminded to live in this moment and recognize the gifts in my home, my family, my health.  So much of life is fleeting, but grasping to capture what we have just crushes the pleasure of it.  

A Year Later

We took advantage of our time home together to a have a family photo session.

Our spring break is here and like so much of the world, we are remembering the start of our shut-down and jolting shift of life that began one year ago.  I feel a little crazy, because I wish I could go back and enjoy that period of life when we were all home again.  

I would stay home from work longer and spend more one-on-one time with each of my children.  I would paint several room in our home.  I would work plant more perennial flowers that would be blooming today.  I would truly organize my basement.  

I would spend more time sitting with our girls who now have homes of their own, but returned for extended time at our place.  I would make the drive to visit family, even though it might have been considered dangerous.  

Today life feels more intense, and there are more pressures.  Our young adult children have returned to the lives they have cultivated in towns far from home.  We now have three teens living at home and their independence is growing each day, it seems.  I miss the sense of togetherness that was forged when we were all bound to one another every moment by the restrictions of the initial quarantine.

I miss the slower pace that life demanded back then.  The last year has been full of  shocking changes.  The sweep cancellations of so many events and gatherings.  The rhythm of life is forever changed, I think.  The ability for mandates and imposed restrictions is now a precedent which will be enacted more and more, I fear.  

I have personally known some who succumbed to Covid.  We have faced the illness in our home.  I have grieved with close friends that lost a parent or grandparent.  It has been a heavy time.

That heaviness seems to be lightening somewhat and it is with hope and endurance that we all move forward.  We have a few road trips scheduled.  Our church is meeting regularly and the kids are back in school each day.  Life is altered, but more regular now.  

What Puts the "Extra" in Step Families

According to the Urban Dictionary:

extra

over the top
excessive, dramatic behavior
way too much

I've said before that the first word that comes to mind when describing blended families is, "complicated."  Another word this generation uses to describe things is "Extra."  Extra can mean over-the-top or fussy.  It's a word rightly used to reveal the layers of involvement that others may have in your family, even people outside the home.  Blended family life with co-parents, exes and extended family all wanting a say means a very "extra" dynamic.

When the I feel like I have to ask permission from my ex, it naturally creates tension and resentment.  Exes definitely make things feel "Extra" and complicated.  When we need to communicate calendar commitments with my step daughter's mother, we may feel slighted or like we have less say-so.  These layers of involvement and extra communication wear us down over time.  It's easy for resentment to build.

Every decision that involves the kids requires an extra conversation.  Extracurriculars.  Orthodontics.  Travel plans.  Even birthday parties.

Are you the "extra" in your blended family?  As a step parent, we often want to be involved, but can complicate matters unnecessarily.  Ask yourself if your involvement is making things better or worse? If you're the step parent in a situation, the "extra" - must you share your opinion in a matter?  Are you creating more or less tension by expressing your view?  Communication is essential, of course and if it helps to share your opinion the do so.  But often I want to share where I have little influence an my thoughts aren't appreciated.  It might even make things more difficult for those I love. 

Yes, your family is "extra."  Accept that reality and do what you can to minimize conflict by communicating and sharing information, but don't insert yourself just to feel included.  Be a hero when you are the step parent by being supportive of decisions made, even if they aren't choices where you are included.  If the step family is thriving, it isn't happening on accident.

If you're feeling extra tired or overextended, remember that blending families takes time.  The longer you remain connected as a family, the more experiences you will have together.  There will be parenting fails and experiences where you learn.  Along the way you become a better spouse, parent and step parent!  And while it may not ever be perfect, time blending the family does become happier and more well-adjusted.  

Winter Work

 I have things I would like to accomplish, and know that there is work to do is making progress toward the goals. Yet I find myself avoiding and putting off the tasks needed to move forward.  Procrastination is the term, I think.

This week I intend to do some of the mental work by identifying what I would like and then prioritizing.  My tendency is to wait until there is demanding need, then tackle it and my desire is to be more proactive in the way I focus my effort.

Much of what calls is boring, quiet and isolated work: Improving my core strength.  Creating order in hidden spaces.  Saving for long-term goals.  Eliminating items which no longer serve our family.  Cleaning, repairing, preparing for upcoming events.  There is nothing glamorous or immediately rewarding in this work.  

Winter is much the same way.  Where I live, it is the season when my garden rests.  Work is happening tucked away from view.  The evidence is unseen, the toil unappreciated until a future time.  Often we want a sweeping rescue to solve the dilemmas in life and yet I have witnessed and experienced that daily, regular commitment makes more impact than the grand gesture.  

May I be committed to that.  Delayed gratification is such a difficult concept for me to embrace.  I want results and I want them now.  Sometimes winter is sparkly and crisp.  More often, winter is gray and gloomy with one day rolling into another and little seems to change.  The work happening in this season, though, is what makes spring explode with life and color.  The work is worth the effort.