Friday, March 15, 2019
A New Season of Blended Life
Transitions are hard and knowing this helps tamp down the panic that I sometimes when realities are shifting and I'm tempted to manage others' emotions.. When I anticipate and allow for sad days and uncomfortable feelings, I'm able to move through them with less resistance and be steady anchor for others who are feeling the loss. At times, I've been so driven to avoid pain that I have fallen into denial for myself or those I love. Without intending, I minimize their ability to process and move through their feelings by crowding them out with fixes. I can think of many time I have done this.
Through previous changes we must allow time to adjust to the new way things will be. Such is true with our most recent transition, as well. Mr. Wonderful has adjusted to talking with his daughter by phone or text each day. It isn't as ideal as face to face conversation, but it honors the relationship they have cultivated for a lifetime.
Change makes me feel unsteady. I used to panic and become filled with anxiety, often making poor decisions in my desire to return to what is comfortable. I felt shame for being disoriented and projected that onto those I loved when they were adjusting to changes themselves. Now, I intentionally make room for my loved ones to feel the change in our lives. Sure, I get impatient and still want to avoid the struggle, but after a lifetime of change I think I'm accepting it much better. I welcome the idea that it takes time for my heart to process the changes.
The freedom not to rush through feelings of loss and transition is a gift to give myself and those I love. Like spring, we are slowly unfolding to a new normal and all at once we recognize that a shift has happened - we are okay with things the way they are now.
I notice it happening just in time for another change that I see in the not-so-distant future. I trust the Lord is already working in our hearts to prepare us. Some changes are big and some are small. All require grace.