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Friday, May 27, 2011

Decisions of Divorce: The Marital Home

One of the most emotional decisions made through divorce is what to do with the marital home.  There are many legal, financial and practical issues that must be considered and there are many others with advice or resources about the issue.  This is simply my story, not to be taken as direction for others.  My desire was to stay in the home we had shared.  I'm so thankful my former spouse was willing to work with me on this, as we both felt it was helpful for our children to keep that consistency.

As I child, my family moved many times and it seemed like I flowed seamlessly from one house to the next.  I had the security of my parents and the consistency of routines that allowed me to quickly pick up and move forward.  Still, I think it did affect me more than I thought because as an adult, the thought of moving is enough to create a bit of panic.  So the thought of trying to move while going through divorce magnified that response and I did not want my children to have to adjust to a new home either.  They were already facing big changes in their family, more overnight visits and packed bags than anyone should have to deal with.  My great desire was for them to have the consistency and predictability of home.  For a year now, I have managed to provide that.

According to our decree, I was able to stay in the marital home and would sell or refinance in 2011.  You see, my spouse is still named on the house, still liable should I not pay and still affected by the debt load in his ability to borrow.  Also, he will earn a portion of the proceeds upon sale of the home.  It is in his best interest for me to move.  I truly appreciate his cooperation in working with me to stay in the home as long as I have. 

So, 2011 is almost halfway through, and I still haven't decided what to do. This is not my "Dream House," but it is the home where so many of my dreams have come true.  So here is what I'm weighing right now:

The payment on the mortgage is at the very top of what is feasible.  Without child support, I would not be able to make ends meet.  Still, it is approximately the same amount that I would pay for a modern three bedroom apartment.  Unless we considerably lower our standard of living, I would prefer a stand-alone home with yard to living in an apartment complex.  But a rental or lease would be more fluid in commitment levels.  Other issues I'm considering -
  • I have paid the mortgage consistently for one year now, which demonstrates God's faithfulness.  Still, it sort of terrifies me to be the sole responsible party for such a large purchase.  If I refinanced now, though, I would have a paid-for home by the time I'm retirement age and a great interest rate.  I like that idea.
  • There is something about financing closing costs on a home I already own that rubs me the wrong way. Dislike.
  • I do not want to leave our school zone, which significantly lowers my options for rental properties or apartments.
  • There are future repairs to this home which are inevitable: Roof, fence, kitchen sink, carpet - all need updating.
  • I'm more confident that I and the children would adjust if we do decide to move.  Life is less uncertain and chaotic than a year ago and they are more secure in the new routines of daddy-days and such. 
  • Beacause I will need a new (to me) vehicle sometime in the not so distant future, it would be helpful to have the equity available from the sale of this home when that purchase becomes essential. 
I met with a realtor last night who gave me some feedback on what we might expect if we sold our home...and what needs to be done in order to make that a possibility (hello, fix the front door).  Some days I'm just sure the best thing to do would be to sell.  Other days I'm convinced staying is the best option by far. 

Among my friends who have experienced divorce, most choose to leave or sell the marital home.  They long to be free from the memories and obligations of the house.  The income from the sale of the home jump starts the financing for their new life.  The home represents so many things and those who choose to stay are often seeking that sense of consistency and that all has not been lost.  The desires are as unique as the individuals and so many factors weigh into the decision.

As I talk with our Lord about it and seek His wisdom, I'm more and more at peace with both options.  There really are pros and cons to each and it might be that I have freedom to choose between the two. 

As I have watched the disasters of this spring and the loss of homes so many have faced, I have been reminded and really come to believe that this place is not my home anyhow.  My home is the security I feel with Christ, the warmth I create for my children, the haven of peace we share in our crazy-making world.  These things can be taken with us wherever we lodge.

What does home mean to you?  Have you faced the decison of what to do with the marital home after divorce?  Any thoughts or advice for my and the decision I face? I love hearing from others out there!

35 comments:

  1. To me it was important that I keep my home for several reason. The most important was I wanted my daughter to have consistence and security in something familiar. The 2nd reason is that I run an in home daycare (it was the way my ex-husband and I determined I would be able to stay home with our daughter when she was 1st born) and it would be hard to move and keep my business going. He signed a quit claim dead, so I am able to keep the house and have all rights to any profit from sale of the home, but his name remains on the mortgage. I feel very bless that I am able to keep my home. Sometimes it tough with all the memories, but I am working hard to make new ones, and know that I have lots of people praying with me that God will give me peace about my new life.
    As far as one of your reasons for not wanting to refinance being that you have to purchase a house you already own... you could spin it another way and look at it as an accomplishment of being able to have just your name owning a home, which may make it feel more like your home.
    Your blog is an encouragement to me. I am thankful to know there are other Christian single mothers who are relying on God to care for their families. Thank you for being willing to share.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello my name is Sally my finance broke up with me last week i was so sad I changed completely, I wasn't eating and i wasn't talking to anybody, I cried a lot,I was so depressed and stressed out that I was scared I'm going to end up in the hospital because of all the stress and depression until one day i search online on getting love tips because I Love & care about him deeply and I just want us to be together as a couple again and I want us to last forever then i found a powerful spell caster Called Priest Ade that he solved so many relationship problem then Priest Ade told me he will come back to me between 24hrs after he cast spell on him never believe it until my finance called me on the phone and told me he want us to come back and live happily together forever , Am so happy now that Priest Ade help me bring my finance back to me. Thanks so much Priest Ade  he can also help you Email him at 
      ancientspiritspellcast@yahoo.com or ancientspiritspellcast@gmail.com 
      https://ancientspiritspellcast12.wordpress.com
      Blog: https://priestade.blogspot.com

      Website http://ancientspiritspellcast.website2.me
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      Hello my name is Sally my finance broke up with me last week i was so sad I changed completely, I wasn't eating and i wasn't talking to anybody, I cried a lot,I was so depressed and stressed out that I was scared I'm going to end up in the hospital because of all the stress and depression until one day i search online on getting love tips because I Love & care about him deeply and I just want us to be together as a couple again and I want us to last forever then i found a powerful spell caster Called Priest Ade that he solved so many relationship problem then Priest Ade told me he will come back to me between 24hrs after he cast spell on him never believe it until my finance called me on the phone and told me he want us to come back and live happily together forever , Am so happy now that Priest Ade help me bring my finance back to me. Thanks so much Priest Ade  he can also help you Email him at 
      ancientspiritspellcast@yahoo.com or ancientspiritspellcast@gmail.com 
      https://ancientspiritspellcast12.wordpress.com
      Blog: https://priestade.blogspot.com

      Website http://ancientspiritspellcast.website2.me
      WhatsApp +2347059715465






      Hello my name is Sally my finance broke up with me last week i was so sad I changed completely, I wasn't eating and i wasn't talking to anybody, I cried a lot,I was so depressed and stressed out that I was scared I'm going to end up in the hospital because of all the stress and depression until one day i search online on getting love tips because I Love & care about him deeply and I just want us to be together as a couple again and I want us to last forever then i found a powerful spell caster Called Priest Ade that he solved so many relationship problem then Priest Ade told me he will come back to me between 24hrs after he cast spell on him never believe it until my finance called me on the phone and told me he want us to come back and live happily together forever , Am so happy now that Priest Ade help me bring my finance back to me. Thanks so much Priest Ade  he can also help you Email him at 
      ancientspiritspellcast@yahoo.com or ancientspiritspellcast@gmail.com 
      https://ancientspiritspellcast12.wordpress.com
      Blog: https://priestade.blogspot.com

      Website http://ancientspiritspellcast.website2.me
      WhatsApp +2347059715465

      Delete
  2. Not an easy choice to make, for sure! Will be praying for you as you seek God's will for this decision.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Missy,

    I read your post in a blogswap on Not June's blog. And...like a dork - I left the comment there! So, I stopped by here to tell you what I said there! I liked your honesty and courageness. It reminded me that we never know the trials of others. Good luck and God bless as you continue your journey. @memoriesbyheart

    ReplyDelete
  4. I just found your blog so I hope I am not too late. If you haven't refinanced yet, see if Cap Center is in your state www.capcenter.com They will refi for free so long as you are not taking additional $ above the mortgage out. It's 100% legitimate - my husband and I used them twice. Yes, they sell your loan but only to reputable lenders. Ours was sold both times to Bank of America - the 2nd time ended up being a simple switch in terms and account number! So easy and great!!! No, I dont work for them LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I was fortunate enough to be able to keep our home. I also came to realize that it didn't matter where my kids and I ended up living, as long as we were together that was all that mattered. For me, my two kids are "home."

    ReplyDelete
  6. I left a comment on another post of yours but I am loving your blog. I think it is just what I needed to fall upon today. I too am recently divorced and facing a lot of the situations you have or are. This post is wonderful. I am in the process of refinancing our marital home and have gone over the same pros and cons as you. I have put my trust in the lord and I am being proactive about getting the loan but know that if it does not go through then it's not where I am supposed to be.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I needed this today. I, like Michelle above, fell upon your blog today and it has been wonderful. It is so amazing to know I am not alone that other woman have walked ahead and it will be okay. hugs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ann, you are not alone - hang in there and take your time as the decision roll in one after another. Hugs back to you!

      Delete
    2. i want to thank God for using Dr. ebhose as my source of savior after 2year of joblessness and my lover left me alone for 2 years,Have just been heart broken until i go in contact with Dr.ebhose after i saw a ladies testimony on how she was helped by this same Dr. ehbose,So i decided to get in contact with him and when i told him all my problems he laughed and said this is not a problem that everything will be OK in 3 days time.Exactly the 3rd day my ex lover called me i was shocked and what surprise me the most was that a company i applied for over 4 month called me and said i should resume work as soon as possible.Am so grateful to Dr ebhose if you wish in contacting him ebhodaghespell@gmail.com He do cast the spell as following

      (1) If you want your ex back.
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      (7) You want to tie your husband & wife to be yours forever.
      (8) If you need financial assistance.
      (9) Herbal care
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      Delete
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    ReplyDelete
  9. Am so happy that I contacted Dr.Agbazara who was able to bring back my ex within 48hours, Now i am happy to make a good testimony about this powerful spell caster that helped my love life to be in existence once again, if you have any kind of problem you can contact Dr.Agbazara, through his WhatsApp/call number on +2348104102662, or email him on: ( agbazara@gmail.com )

    ReplyDelete
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  11. Dr.Kwale spell brought my ex back to my arms within the period of 48 hours and the joy in my heart right now makes me want to tell the whole world about the great love spell caster Dr.Kwale. here is his direct contact you can reach him on Whats App +2348056141089 and his email is kwaletemple@gmail.com get in contact with him and he will reunite your broken relationship just like mine, thanks....

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  12. I have been thinking about this very Kwale Temple love spell for the past couple of days. What Mariah shared is confirmation to me. And yes I am accountable too, and I am working on my issues. But I have realized I can’t make my husband come back, I can’t even make him want to change his mind to come back to me. I then contacted Dr Kwale via the email Mariah shared and truly I was able to get my husband back to my arms with Kwale Temple spell. Email Dr Kwale now at kwaletemple@gmail.com or Whats-App him on +2348056141089. Thanks for being open Mariah, it is helpful!

    ReplyDelete
  13. If not for Dr Ekpen what will I have done to restore joy in my marriage, may the good God continue to bless Dr Ekpen for helping me bring my ex husband back to me after 2 years of separation. If you are passing through break up, Dr Ekpen is the perfect solution for you. Contact him today at (ekpentemple@gmail.com) or whatsapp +2347050270218.

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  16. When I Found Dr. Todd I Was In Desperate Need Of Bringing My Ex Lover Back. He Left Me For Another Woman. It Happened So Fast And I Had No Say In The Situation At All. He Just Dumped Me After 3 Years With No Explanation. I Contact Dr.Todd Through His Website And He Told Me Me What I Need To Do Before He Can Help Me And I Did What He Told Me To, After I Provided What He Wanted, He Cast A Love Spell To Help Us Get Back Together. Shortly After He Did His Spell, My Boyfriend Started Texting Me Again And Felt Horrible For What He Just Put Me Through. He Said That I Was The Most Important Person In His Life And He Knows That Now. We Moved In Together And He Was More Open To Me Than Before And Then He Started Spending More Time With Me Than Before. Ever Since Dr. Todd Helped Me, My Partner Is Very Stable, Faithful And Closer To Me Than Before. I Highly Recommends Dr.Todd To Anyone In Need Of Help. Email: manifestspellcast@gmail.com website:https://manifestspellcast.wordpress.com Whatsapp Via:+27613087679

    ReplyDelete
  17. My husband left me for another woman after one year of our marriage. I needed him back desperately because i loved him so much. I became very worried and needed help. On this faithful day  as i was browsing through the internet, I came across a particular testimony about this good DR IROSI help get ex back fast and stop a divorce or breakup and so on , So I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (return Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my boyfriend came back to me crying and begging for my forgiveness. Today I’m so happy and i want to recommend this great spell caster to anyone that truly needs an urgent solution to his or her broken relationships and marriage email him at:(DRIROSISOLUTIONCENTER@GMAIL.COM) Simply contact the great “DR IROSI” If you have any problem contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you., do not cry anymore-contact this powerful spell caster now. Thank you DR IROSI for saving my broken relationships and brought my boyfriend back to me!” email him at: (DRIROSISOLUTIONCENTER@GMAIL.COM), or you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2347035974895.

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  18. I really want to appreciate Dr Ekpen of Ekpen Temple for restoring my broken relationship within 48 hours. It all started when my husband saw me with my ex talking, when I try to explaining to him about it, the whole thing just got worst, because I love him so much I did not want to lose him to someone else so I went looking for solution that's how I came across Dr Ekpen who restore love back to my marriage. Contact him at (ekpentemple@gmail.com) if you are having challenges in your relationship.

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  20. My husband was once loving and caring but to a point he stopped and totally forsake me, he wasn't having time for me because he was having an affair, all he was, i was so devastated that i didn't know what to do. I did love him so much, even when he was still not caring and was cheating i couldn't leave cause i still loved him, i sorted for help from every where i could to have my husband back, i luckily found Robinson Buckler who was helping people out on relationship and marriage issues. I went on and contacted him, i explained what i was going through in my marriage, then he assured me that he would help me, i did all that he instructed me to do and then he told me that my husband would return to me after some days, i waited patiently and after some days passed my husband came home one evening and started apologizing to me to forgive him for how he had been treating me, i was so surprised beyond words that i can't thank this you enough. contact go to his website https://robinbuckler.com/ or Robinsonbuckler@yahoo.com.. Whatsapp phone number +15024438691

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hello friends, this is my testimony. we are married for 5 years and together for 9 years. we were separated for 4 months. He wants out and is not willing to save our marriage. We have been a great couple (at least I believed this) and argue rarely. Months before he left home, he was so inactive and sleeping a lot. I realized he was having an emotional affair with someone and he confirmed that he was attracted to her. Then he said he is not in love with me anymore and can’t live with me. I begged, cried and so on for months. I needed help so much and i want my husband back to me I was surfing the internet when i saw a testimony of lady on how Dr Ajayi the great spell caster who helped cure fibroid and she was able to have a child of her own which in turn restored peace in the home. she drops his contact and I copied it, at first I was Skeptical about contacting but I really need a lasting solution to my problem so I send him a message explaining my situation to him, He told me to be rest assured that my husband will come back to me if I should do as he instructed, I did all he told me to do and on the fourth day I got an apologizing text from him saying he does not know what came over him, on that evening he came back home and pleaded for all his wrong doings and since then our love and marriage have been stronger. I want to give special thanks to the great spell caster Dr Ajayai for his good job and for making happy again in life. If you are experiencing same marital issue or you have other issues pressing you down contact Dr Ajayi today on Email: Drajayi1990@gmail.com or Whatsapp number : +2347084887094. He is capable of performing any kind of spell you can think of, i'm a living Testimony.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hello my name is Sally my finance broke up with me last week i was so sad I changed completely, I wasn't eating and i wasn't talking to anybody, I cried a lot,I was so depressed and stressed out that I was scared I'm going to end up in the hospital because of all the stress and depression until one day i search online on getting love tips because I Love & care about him deeply and I just want us to be together as a couple again and I want us to last forever then i found a powerful spell caster Called Priest Ade that he solved so many relationship problem then Priest Ade told me he will come back to me between 24hrs after he cast spell on him never believe it until my finance called me on the phone and told me he want us to come back and live happily together forever , Am so happy now that Priest Ade help me bring my finance back to me. Thanks so much Priest Ade  he can also help you Email him at 
    ancientspiritspellcast@yahoo.com or ancientspiritspellcast@gmail.com 
    https://ancientspiritspellcast12.wordpress.com
    Blog: https://priestade.blogspot.com

    Website http://ancientspiritspellcast.website2.me
    WhatsApp +2347059715465

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hi everybody. I recently saw a testimony about chief dr lucky in a blog I visit for relationship and dating counseling problems because i had been having serious issues with my boyfriend and we had been dating for six months, he just suddenly changed, he wasn't returning my calls,he started cheating,he was hurting me in many ways i never thought possible and I just thought I should try it*maybe out of desperation of some sort*..and I contacted chief dr lucky ..At first everything felt dreamy and unbelievable, his consultations and solution was a little bit easy and strange and I was scared a little cause I heard read and heard lots of stories to of fake spell casters,scams and i never really believed in magic..I played along with a little hope and and faith and I sent some few stuffs after everything and it worked like a miracle,everything went to a while new direction,it was and is amazing...I guess it was all good faith that made me read That particular post that faithful day..I hope he could help other people too like he did me...I did a little and I got everything I wanted and wished for*my husband,my family and my life back. E-mail: Cheifdrlucky@gmail.com or contact him on whats App him +2348132777335 Website :http://chiefdrluckysolutionhome.website2.me/  

    ReplyDelete
  24. Effective and powerful spell caster Dr. gbojie thanks for helping me restore happiness back to my life with your powerful spell it manifested as i wanted thanks once again Dr . gbojie ..

    Hello friends i want to share my testimony and how grateful i'm since my lover came back to me because of the grate help Dr gbojie whose email address is gbojiespiritualtemple@yahoo.com render to me. my boyfriend broke up with me first week of december last year because he thought i was cheating on him, he told me that his friends has been telling him that i have been seeing someone else when he is not around i tried to make him understand that his friends are lying to him but he did not give me the chance to explain to him this was how he left me. after a month of our breakup i tried to live a normal life without him but it was very hard for me to cope then i decided to contact Dr gbojie via his mobile number +2349066410185 and his email address gbojiespiritualtemple@gmail.com which i came across during my search looking for help how to get my lover back he cast a love spell for me and make my lover to come back to me within the period of 48hours. with this grate joy in my heart i want to say a big thanks to Dr gbojie he is the best spell caster and he is the best solution.You out there having same problem you can visit his website : http://gbojiespiritualtemple.website2.me or add him on facebook : https://www.facebook.com/drgbojie/

    ReplyDelete
  25. 24 HOURS LOVE SPELL CASTER 2020 


     I feel very happy to share my great and wonderful testimony with everyone on this platform..: I was married for 7 years to my husband and all of a sudden another woman came into the picture he started hating me and he was abusive and all because i never bear him a child. but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost.... He filed for divorce and my whole life was turning apart and i didn't know what to do, he moved out of the house and abandoned me all alone,one day a very close friend of mine told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back,so i went online to search and i came across so many spell caster who only wasted my time and took a lot of money from me,but i went back to her and told her that spiritual way has only taking my money and not yielding anything, and she introduced me to a spell caster, Dr gbojie, so i decided to try it. although i didn't believe in all those things because of what i have gone through lately, i contacted Dr gbojie  and he  explain all my problems to him and he told me that i shouldn't worry that when he cast the spell on me and my husband that my husband is going to run back to me and that within 2 weeks am going to get pregnant,so i did the little he ask me to do and behold it all work out,my husband run back to me and right now we have Twins Girl and a boy,so all thanks to Dr gbojie  you're indeed a great spell caster, in case anyone needs help here,  whatsapp him now +2349066410185 or email him : gbojiespiritualtemple@gmail.com 
    Website :   http://gbojiespiritualtemple.website2.me  

    ReplyDelete
  26. Wow is good to be back with my ex again, thank you Dr Ekpen for the help, I just want to let you know that is reading this post in case you are having issues with your lover and is leading to divorce and you don’t want the divorce, Dr Ekpen is the answer to your problem. Or you are already divorce and you still want him/her contact Dr Ekpen the spell caster now on (ekpentemple@gmail.com) and you will be glad you did

    ReplyDelete
  27. I’ve never been a huge believer but when it turned out that love spell was my last hope, I gave it a try because my lover stopped talking to me, after begging and pleading with him I realized that nothing was working out, he left me to meet another girl, I had no choice than to ordered a reunite love spell from ( Tonylovespell@aol.com ) to help me get my lover back, after the spell was cast, the results was fantastic, I never expected what I saw, I’m so grateful I came across this spell caster. My love left his other girlfriend and we came back together. Dr,Tony changed my life and made me a true believer. I want to use this opportunity to thank this great man called Dr, Tony for what he has done for me and my boyfriend. This great man has brought happiness and joy back again to my life. I will advice every one out there suffering from similar issue to contact his email address on; Tonylovespell@aol.com  or call/whatsapp him on +1(903) 847-0267

    ReplyDelete
  28. Hello my name is Kallya from USA i want to tell the world about the great and mighty spell caster called Priest Ade my husband was cheating on me and no longer committed to me and our kids when i asked him what the problem was he told me he has fell out of love for me and wanted a divorce i was so heart broken i cried all day and night but he left home i was looking for something online when i saw an article how the great and powerful Priest Ade have helped so many in similar situation like mine he email address was there so i sent him an email telling him about my problem he told me he shall return back to me within 24hrs i did everything he asked me to do the nest day to my greatest surprise my husband came back home and was crying and begging for me to forgive and accept him back he can also help you contact
    ancientspiritspellcast@yahoo.com or ancientspiritspellcast@gmail.com

    https://ancientspiritspellcast12.wordpress.com

    Blog: https://priestade.blogspot.com

    Website http://ancientspiritspellcast.website2.me

    WhatsApp +2347059715465 .

    ReplyDelete
  29. A love spell and within 48 hours my husband came back to me and started apologizing, now he has stopped going out with other ladies and his with me for good and for real. Contact this great love spell caster for your relationship or marriage problem to be solved today via: {oliha.miraclemedicine@gmail.com} or directly WhatsApp: +2349038382931 Dr Oliha.

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  30. Ma ei saa tänada dr EKPEN TEMPLE'i piisavalt selle eest, et ta aitas mul taastada oma armastuses voodoo rõõmu ja meelerahu pärast paljusid küsimusi, mis peaaegu viisid lahutuseni, jumal tänatud, et pidasin dr EKPEN TEMPLE'i õigel ajal. Täna võin teile öelda, et dr EKPEN TEMPLE on lahendus sellele probleemile teie abielus ja suhetes. Võtke temaga ühendust aadressil (ekpentemple@gmail.com)

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  32. When I found Dr. Paul I was in desperate need of bringing my ex lover back. He left me for another woman. It happened so fast and I had no say in the situation at all. He just dumped me after 3 years with no explanation. I contact Dr.Paul through his website and He told me me what i need to do before he can help me and i did what he told me to, after i provided what he wanted, he cast a love spell to help us get back together. Shortly after he did his spell, my boyfriend started texting me again and felt horrible for what he just put me through. He said that I was the most important person in his life and he knows that now. We moved in together and he was more open to me than before and then he started spending more time with me than before. Ever since Dr. Paul helped me, my partner is very stable, faithful and closer to me than before. I highly recommends Dr. Paul to anyone in need of help. Email: astoriashrine@ gmail com, Call him or add him on whatsapp via: +2349051441669

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