Gift Guide for the Woman in Your Life

This is your list of sure-fire, guaranteed win gifts for the woman in your life.  Just click on the image to visit or purchase from Amazon.  

(There are a few stocking stuffers at the end!)

Splurge on a little luxury, black is great, too!

Keep her cozy - great for your best friend, your sister or your wife.

I really love my Powerbeats!

There is no better eye kit

 Nutribullet - Rose Gold

 

Comfy shoes for everyday and workouts

 

Eco-friendly popcorn popper

Because I must be in the kitchen, a gourmet stock pot is a treat!

But this one is also fantastic!

And for the soups in that pot? I love this immersion blender -

The best for lips!

And this, too - choose your color

There is none better for Carefree Hair

         

Hair/Scalp Care is real thing for us.

What is the Side Effect of Gratitude? It's JOY!

Joy is the end result we desire for our families and now is the best time to start on the path to get there.

The curated, beautiful images we see each day can be a slippery-slope to becoming dissatisfied with the reality in front of us. I often see my own life as a giant project that is currently “less-than.” It’s unusual to notice something in our lives and feel fully satisfied with exactly what we already have. Contentment is such a rarity in our culture, which fuels the desire for more and stokes the flames of materialism and anxiety. The constant comparisons result in chronic disappointment and disillusion.

Being satisfied is a quality that we have to strive to achieve because it will not come naturally.  

Like many of us during the Thanksgiving season, I am more intentional about practicing gratitude. What I’m learning is that the sweet side-effect of gratitude is contentment. Contentment comes by way of satisfaction, and the end result is worth the effort — for us and our kids.

Satisfied + content = joy!

Joy is the ultimate fruit of gratitude, and it’s the prize for which we are all striving. The beautiful thing is that this formula works! As we shift the focus to the good in each day, we practice finding joy.

I see these side effects in my own family. They pickup on the thankfulness, too, and learn to take note of the good things we already enjoy more than the commercialism that ramps up this time of year. I see more laughter and less hustle so we can simply enjoy ourselves with contentment in the moment.

Oftentimes, we have to turn from what we wish for and accept what we have. Learning to be satisfied is a discipline that we can practice with intention. The action and emphasis is on the turning. We have power to decide what we consume via social media and to turn from the never-ending buffet of more. Just like with our diet or schedule, we must have the courage to say, “enough.”

How can we model gratitude and contentment for our little ones, teens and even grown children?

• Notice the good things in your home. Is it warm? Comfortable? Safe? Be grateful.
• Toss holiday catalogs as soon as they arrive. Don’t let a marketing company tell you about things you don’t even know you need. Instead, look for charities that will steward a gift well. Show your children that there are some who need what we already have (health care, meals, schooling).
• Relish the joy of serving! ‘Tis the season to volunteer, so enlist the help of your kids to pack shoe boxes, shop an angel tree or sort coats for the cold. Put together care kits for the homeless, sick children, neighbors or the elderly.
• Embrace delight in small things, especially nature. Notice the birds and sky. Enjoy a fire pit with delicious cocoa. Let your eyes sparkle when you greet your family. If you are a mama, then I know you are grateful indeed.
• Stop complaining…about anything, even the weather. Practice for one day at a time and every time you complain (or think to do so), replace the thought with three positives. We seem wired to notice the negatives and then we miss the joy!

Do you find contentment in the gifts you’ve already been given? May this season of Thanksgiving find you especially blessed with eyes to see the bounty you already have. Let’s practice gratitude together.

Stressbusters from Toddlers to Teens

As grown ups, we know that stress is draining and affects our mood as well as our perception of daily experiences. The same is true for our kids, whether toddlers or teenagers. As a Mom, you have the ability to help when your child is facing overwhelm or stress. Today the demands of childhood are greater than ever before. We pack their schedules with activity and expect the highest outcome for each exam. Daily competition among peers and in athletics can trigger almost constant anxiety.

We can step in to equip our youngsters to manage the stress that is inevitable. When your little one or your big kid, even your teen, starts to feel the pressure of daily life, here are hand-on ways to equip them how to handle the stress and stand with them as they face new challenges:

Comfort. Grab a favorite bag of candy or deliver dinner to your child's desk. Make it easier to get out the door the day of a big test or project presentation by stacking their gear and including a water bottle. Notice what your child appreciates and then do it - this is your chance to earn mother of the year status!

Create routines that lead to success. Sometimes we expect our children to think and act like adults, but they don't have the habits in place yet. It's our job to teach them how to prioritize and plan in order to be prepared. Look ahead at what is coming so there aren't last minute moments of panic.

Coddle *just a bit.* Help by taking some of the load off your child's shoulders. I'm all for teaching responsibility and chores, yet helping complete their laundry or taking over dishwashing duty speaks volumes to the young person struggling to manage all the demands of the day. Provide time and space to conquer the tasks that demanding attention.

(en)Courage. Praise the effort, the desire to complete, and the work ethic to stick with hard things. Notice when your child is working ahead or going beyond the norm. Focus on the progress, not just the result.

Challenge the timeline. Inexperience and immaturity mean that kids don't realize how much time tasks will require. Break it down into manageable chunks and let them realize that accomplishment one step at a time.

Calm their nervous system. Now is the time to begin instilling the life skills of mindful breathing, taking a walk or resting in order to reset our minds. Establish calming habits by teaching breathing techniques or cuddle up with a weighted blanket to sip something warm. The endorphins of exercise are calming, so pound the street, leap on the trampoline or use big muscles to haul things in the yard. Then small bodies are more ready to face a challenge. Stressful moments are a key time to teach techniques for managing all the future difficulties that life will bring. Let your child know it's alright to find ways to self soothe, so long as they are healthy habits.

Crush it! Remind your child that you love him or her apart of achievement. Even if you make a B, C or fail. Do your very best, prepare and work hard. Then let the results go. Rest in the safety of family acceptance and love. When the outcome isn't what you hoped, or you make it through an especially busy week, take time to rest and reset.

With guidance, our kids will incorporate real skills that can be used through their life as stresses come and go.  They will learn to master the moment and press through the stresses in order to move forward.

Quiet Quitting - It's not just happening in the work place.

I hear the term "Quiet Quitting" every day now. Have you heard the phrase? What do you think of the trend where individuals do the bare minimum, or maybe not even that, to remain employed. Quiet quitting means remaining in one's workplace while not actively going above and beyond. Is it slacking off, or setting healthy boundaries?

Doing the bare minimum and not taking job too seriously at the core, is a disengagement from the work team. I see it happening in relationships that are much closer than most work environments: families, communities, churches. People are disengaging, and we aren't sure why - there is no communication, just a drift.

The quiet quitting trend is a direct response to burn-out, and so people just walk away.  As I think about this concept, what keeps surfacing for me is the idea of priorities. The truth is that we are limited in our time, energy and resources. As mom, we get to choose the most valuable places to invest ourselves. For me, it is my family. Knowing my priority shapes all the other decisions.  

When we recognize the limitations, we can make wise decisions. "Every yes is also a no to something else." Choosing how to spend our time, energy and resources is a wise and important practice is cultivating a life that is personally rewarding. Protecting ourselves against burnout is worth is so that we can choose how to best spend our time and energy.

I applaud those who make a choice to step away or move in another direction. But please, talk about it. Don't make the mistake of simply walking way or quietly quit. Share your mindset and own the choices. You will be respected for the honesty and have more dignity with whatever ways you do remain attached.  Let clarity be the gift you leave when stepping back from responsibility.

Have you noticed others becoming less engaged in activities or work? Do you see priorities shifting? Have you stepped way from a responsibility in order to prioritize another, more important part of your life?

Middle School Mistakes We Made, and You Can Avoid

With middle school in the rear view of my parenting journey, I have been thinking about how it was a different experience for each one of our kiddos. I can certainly see how very naive I was heading into those years where they straddled childhood and adolescence.

It’s awkward, churning with change and confusing for most. Here is what I would do differently in these three BIG years:

Expect change!

It may happen gradually, but then you will notice that your child is developing very new patterns. Privacy becomes important as they naturally strive for independence. This is a right and healthy development, even if it wounds a bit. Set your expectations for house rules, like we eat dinner as a family and everyone helps with preparation or cleanup. Maybe the bedroom-as-a-hideout bothers you, but it creates a safe retreat for your kiddo. Give them time alone and still ask him or her to intentionally come be with you for a bit, too. Compromise is important, and so is family connection.

Get ready for some drama.

Emotions are on steroids for your child and all their peers. It’s an intense time for everyone. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G is a big deal. The key to surviving this level of ferocity is to learn how to chill your own ball of nerves. I found myself too often projecting or responding to the perceived sentiments and it only escalated a situation that would better be handled with a cool hand. Instead of reacting or invalidating the feelings, point them to positive coping strategies.

I would ask to see the homework before I assumed it was done.

Schoolwork gets more difficult in middle school and teachers expect real ideas and original work from the student. Taking time to do the unseen tasks of reading, organizing and planning ahead is something I wish I helped my middle schoolers learn earlier. I assumed too much and each experienced academic struggles, even failures. Study together, if you feel equipped, or get some help. Our school had good resources for additional aid. Begin homework early in the evening so there is time to complete it and unwind before bed. Touch base about every class each day.

Speaking of the bed, sleeping patterns really do change.

How to Have a Terrible Vacation with Your Teen

I have just returned from a beach trip with our kids, who are all teens (plus one friend).  It was ripe for moody withdrawals, complaining, begging for souvenirs and eye-rolling boredom.  It's not my first time vacationing with teens, so I knew how to make it a terrible time.

Plan every minute. Oh yes, they love it when every minute is scheduled by someone else.  Insist on family togetherness, all the time.  Right?  It's family vacation, after all, and demanding that your teen spends every moment in your company is essential.  

Take photos constantly. Whatever.  They take selfies and post snaps or "Be Reels," so why can't you get a grin?  Because that would mean pausing their own online activities...recipe for disaster indeed. 

Schedule everything, including meals.  Okay, meals are a highlight for most teens, but when you tell them what to eat and when, it loses all the appeal.  Teens are seeking independence, so keeping a tight leash and monitoring every action will result in revolt.

Enforce bedtime. Seriously? Am I five? No. "Bedtime" happens until noon each day and the nightlife is what happens after midnight. 

What teens want is more freedom, but they also want to know what to expect.  It's a tricky balance between giving them independence and still providing a loose structure for your family trip.  Instead of imposing all your rules and expectations, switch the script and prepare to have a great get-away.  There may be sulking or a tantrum, so try to move past the missteps, and ask them to do the same.  Adopt these ideas to enjoy the best vacation:

Lighten Up!  Try to remember why family vacation is even a thing - the goal is to bond and make memories together.  This isn't the time to teach lessons or discipline.  It's likely that life lessons will happen naturally as you spend time together, but this isn't the why of your get-away.  Relax and let messes go.  Let house-rules slide and focus on relationships.

Provide Space. When you expect your teen to spend every moment with you, it's an expectation that will result in disappointment.  When planning, opt for a multi-room rental or hotel suite.  Do all you can to provide multiple bathroom spaces.  Let your teen escape on his or her own to explore boardwalks, parks or whatever.  We rented bikes and we let the ones with a license borrow a vehicle every now and then.  Keep expectations clear about when to return and where the boundaries are.

Thrill them with adventure. Create a focal point during the trip that stimulates adrenalin.  It might be a shark fishing trip, roller coaster rides or white water rafting.  Teens are wired for that rush of risk and adventure feeds their need for fun.  It gives them a goal and something to talk about with their friends.  This is the time to take a photo!  ASK first, then catch the action.  Snap candids other times and respect when your teen says, "enough."

Remember food matters...but it doesn't have to be expensive, just accessible.  Teens love to snack, love to eat.  It's nice to have a few great meals out on vacation and if you're able, do it!  Teen daughters, especially, seem to love the excuse to get dressed up to go out.  But keep lots of their favorite snacks on hand, too.  One of the thrills is having unfettered access to candies, sodas and other foods not always kept around the house.  We brought a mix and made brownies, and I included sour gummy worms and dark Hershey chocolates in our grocery order.  Going out to eat is special, but we also cooked for ourselves multiple times.  The teens were even in charge of dinner for "Tuesday Tacos at the Condo."  

We got away for date night.

Loosen the tech boundaries. I still have my teen plug in his phone each evening, outside his room when we are home.  But on vacation, I relax this rule.  I don't want to police behavior and it gives me a chance to gauge his maturity as he takes on more independence and responsibility in the tech department.  Sometimes letting them know we trust them motivates our teens to behave more wisely that if they feel they have to be sneaky.  We let the guys bring their video games, too.  Again, to redirect from screens, I try to provide lots of other options.  Swimming, biking, boating, hiking and especially going into service free areas keep our young people engaged in reality.

Consider bringing a friend.  At first I was opposed to this, as it may interfere with family bonding.  But I've seen it be a positive peer pressure for having a good attitude (no one wants to be embarrassed in front of a friend) and it builds good will with your teen.  Just make sure you know and trust the friend and that you have enough space.

Be flexible.  One thing is certain, teens are unpredictable.  There might be some attitudes or moods that require a change of plan.  You may need to get away from them for your own sanity and mood - that's okay!  Embrace the emerging independence and start expanding your own identity.  I love to have a vacation date night with my husband and I also enjoy sneaking away to meet up with a friend for lunch while on vacation.  

There are so many ways to vacation as a family.  Do what works for yours!  In my own season of teenage parenting, we are loving the less hands-on and more interesting season of vacationing.  We share the driving responsibilities and encourage their input in the planning.  It's more fun that ever, even though we aren't together 24/7 like in the little-kid-years.  

Both seasons have their charms and so I'm choosing to love where we are now.

Pro Tip: Pack extra chargers and remember that teens still get hangry, like toddlers.  An epic snack-stash still works wonders!

A Prayer of Release For My High School Graduate

Once upon a time...A mama heart wished for a child to mother from start to finish. 

You arrived, so fresh and new, and I poured all had had into you.  Now, I think this is the finish line: High School graduation.  

Technically, you don't need me anymore and yet I'm still here.  Here for when you want to talk about girls and friendships.  Here for when you arrive home from your summer job and we sit quietly out on the patio.  Here for when you don't have the bandwidth to talk anymore and just want to sit, and lean.  You're so good at just being present.

I think of all the prayers I've prayed since I discovered you were growing in me.  Thousands of hopes and desires lifted through the infant stage during the late night feedings and changes.  I wanted to give you a fairy tale family, and even that fell apart and we rebuilt a new one together.  I think of the truly challenging school days where we worked so hard to find the ways you learned best.  Now I can even appreciate those mean kids who were so harsh to you, because it helped you know you can come to us with anything - and we always have your back.  You face nothing alone.  I cannot promise your life will be free from heartbreak or pain. When it come, I will still be here.

Dear Lord, 

Just as you gave me this son so many years ago, I release him back to you.  There isn't a day I haven't known you were with us and guiding us along together - growing me and and him in ways both seen and only felt.  Now I choose to trust you will grow each of us while we are apart.

I pray that when difficulties come, my son will draw closer to you and not push farther away.  Surround him him with positive influences who will spur him to think deeply and refine his character.  May he be willing to stand alone and still invest in friendships.  Thank you for his curiosity and humor.  Thank you for his health and even the challenges that draw him to you.  Make his path forward clear to him, so that he can go in confidence.  Remind him of your kindness and teach him to value people always over possessions.  Let him find friendship, adventure, romance and his calling. 

Thank you for letting me be his mama, for then and now, and evermore. Amen.

Making Grownup Friends

I wish friendship was as simple as putting out a sign, and waiting for loyal, kind people with shared values to arrive.  The friendships of life ebb and flow, but most people that I talk with feel it is more challenging to create friendships in adulthood.  I don't want to pretend it's easy or that I have the secret way to connect.

I do know, the more I try to engage, the more I am able to make connections.  Over time, the repeated connections build history, trust and dependability.  The best way I know to make a friend is to reach out to someone.  After all, if you're in search of friendship, chances are another person is, too.

Are you connected to any group?  A school? church? volunteer organization? Even a gym or neighborhood association?  These are great places to gather with people who share a similar goal.  Mom-life connects us, as we share the daily interactions at schools, stores or activities.  Start with the loose connections that exist naturally.

Make the first move.  Invite someone to the farmer's market or to run (walk) a race.  I became closer to an acquaintance who asked me to pick up a marketplace purchase so she didn't have to go alone.  Join a social media group that actually meets in real life.  I have made sweet connections in the Knoxville Gardeners Facebook Group or Hiking in the Smoky Mountains group.

Nourish the connections as you make them.  Turn one positive experience into another by following up when you meet someone or first get together.   Take notice of birthdays or important events in the life of your acquaintances.  When you can circle back and connect over such a detail. Communicate through your actions that you are interested and caring.  This is one of the ways that friendships build.

Like all relationships, friendship requires trust, caring and repeated connections for it to grow.  Be natural as you let the budding introduction expand into friendship. If you make the effort and see that it isn't returned or reciprocated, then move on.  Don't keep spending time and energy where someone simply isn't available.  It may be that they are too busy or processing circumstances about which you know nothing.  It's most likely not about you.

Keep up with some of your old friends.  Invest in the ones that have lasted through seasons of life.  The happy memories and encouragement will keep you bolstered if and when you move or find yourself isolated by other concerns.  Friends scatter all over the world in our transient culture, but hang onto those who really bring joy to your soul.  It will remind you of why it's worth it to keep reaching out to connect.

Occasionally, leave your partner at home. Sometimes the security of our spouse keeps us from engaging with others in the room. Take the risk to show up alone, or try something that interests just you.  Be brave and be willing to try something new.

You're not alone if friendships seem hard to come by.  The very business of adulthood, of mom-life, keeps us from having time to create the connections that we need to flourish.  Instead of making excuses, set your intentions and make the effort.  There are others who will welcome your efforts and cherish the friendships that form.  We are all craving connection.