Stressbusters from Toddlers to Teens

As grown ups, we know that stress is draining and affects our mood as well as our perception of daily experiences. The same is true for our kids, whether toddlers or teenagers. As a Mom, you have the ability to help when your child is facing overwhelm or stress. Today the demands of childhood are greater than ever before. We pack their schedules with activity and expect the highest outcome for each exam. Daily competition among peers and in athletics can trigger almost constant anxiety.

We can step in to equip our youngsters to manage the stress that is inevitable. When your little one or your big kid, even your teen, starts to feel the pressure of daily life, here are hand-on ways to equip them how to handle the stress and stand with them as they face new challenges:

Comfort. Grab a favorite bag of candy or deliver dinner to your child's desk. Make it easier to get out the door the day of a big test or project presentation by stacking their gear and including a water bottle. Notice what your child appreciates and then do it - this is your chance to earn mother of the year status!

Create routines that lead to success. Sometimes we expect our children to think and act like adults, but they don't have the habits in place yet. It's our job to teach them how to prioritize and plan in order to be prepared. Look ahead at what is coming so there aren't last minute moments of panic.

Coddle *just a bit.* Help by taking some of the load off your child's shoulders. I'm all for teaching responsibility and chores, yet helping complete their laundry or taking over dishwashing duty speaks volumes to the young person struggling to manage all the demands of the day. Provide time and space to conquer the tasks that demanding attention.

(en)Courage. Praise the effort, the desire to complete, and the work ethic to stick with hard things. Notice when your child is working ahead or going beyond the norm. Focus on the progress, not just the result.

Challenge the timeline. Inexperience and immaturity mean that kids don't realize how much time tasks will require. Break it down into manageable chunks and let them realize that accomplishment one step at a time.

Calm their nervous system. Now is the time to begin instilling the life skills of mindful breathing, taking a walk or resting in order to reset our minds. Establish calming habits by teaching breathing techniques or cuddle up with a weighted blanket to sip something warm. The endorphins of exercise are calming, so pound the street, leap on the trampoline or use big muscles to haul things in the yard. Then small bodies are more ready to face a challenge. Stressful moments are a key time to teach techniques for managing all the future difficulties that life will bring. Let your child know it's alright to find ways to self soothe, so long as they are healthy habits.

Crush it! Remind your child that you love him or her apart of achievement. Even if you make a B, C or fail. Do your very best, prepare and work hard. Then let the results go. Rest in the safety of family acceptance and love. When the outcome isn't what you hoped, or you make it through an especially busy week, take time to rest and reset.

With guidance, our kids will incorporate real skills that can be used through their life as stresses come and go.  They will learn to master the moment and press through the stresses in order to move forward.

Quiet Quitting - It's not just happening in the work place.

I hear the term "Quiet Quitting" every day now. Have you heard the phrase? What do you think of the trend where individuals do the bare minimum, or maybe not even that, to remain employed. Quiet quitting means remaining in one's workplace while not actively going above and beyond. Is it slacking off, or setting healthy boundaries?

Doing the bare minimum and not taking job too seriously at the core, is a disengagement from the work team. I see it happening in relationships that are much closer than most work environments: families, communities, churches. People are disengaging, and we aren't sure why - there is no communication, just a drift.

The quiet quitting trend is a direct response to burn-out, and so people just walk away.  As I think about this concept, what keeps surfacing for me is the idea of priorities. The truth is that we are limited in our time, energy and resources. As mom, we get to choose the most valuable places to invest ourselves. For me, it is my family. Knowing my priority shapes all the other decisions.  

When we recognize the limitations, we can make wise decisions. "Every yes is also a no to something else." Choosing how to spend our time, energy and resources is a wise and important practice is cultivating a life that is personally rewarding. Protecting ourselves against burnout is worth is so that we can choose how to best spend our time and energy.

I applaud those who make a choice to step away or move in another direction. But please, talk about it. Don't make the mistake of simply walking way or quietly quit. Share your mindset and own the choices. You will be respected for the honesty and have more dignity with whatever ways you do remain attached.  Let clarity be the gift you leave when stepping back from responsibility.

Have you noticed others becoming less engaged in activities or work? Do you see priorities shifting? Have you stepped way from a responsibility in order to prioritize another, more important part of your life?

Middle School Mistakes We Made, and You Can Avoid

With middle school in the rear view of my parenting journey, I have been thinking about how it was a different experience for each one of our kiddos. I can certainly see how very naive I was heading into those years where they straddled childhood and adolescence.

It’s awkward, churning with change and confusing for most. Here is what I would do differently in these three BIG years:

Expect change!

It may happen gradually, but then you will notice that your child is developing very new patterns. Privacy becomes important as they naturally strive for independence. This is a right and healthy development, even if it wounds a bit. Set your expectations for house rules, like we eat dinner as a family and everyone helps with preparation or cleanup. Maybe the bedroom-as-a-hideout bothers you, but it creates a safe retreat for your kiddo. Give them time alone and still ask him or her to intentionally come be with you for a bit, too. Compromise is important, and so is family connection.

Get ready for some drama.

Emotions are on steroids for your child and all their peers. It’s an intense time for everyone. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G is a big deal. The key to surviving this level of ferocity is to learn how to chill your own ball of nerves. I found myself too often projecting or responding to the perceived sentiments and it only escalated a situation that would better be handled with a cool hand. Instead of reacting or invalidating the feelings, point them to positive coping strategies.

I would ask to see the homework before I assumed it was done.

Schoolwork gets more difficult in middle school and teachers expect real ideas and original work from the student. Taking time to do the unseen tasks of reading, organizing and planning ahead is something I wish I helped my middle schoolers learn earlier. I assumed too much and each experienced academic struggles, even failures. Study together, if you feel equipped, or get some help. Our school had good resources for additional aid. Begin homework early in the evening so there is time to complete it and unwind before bed. Touch base about every class each day.

Speaking of the bed, sleeping patterns really do change.