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Friday, October 21, 2011

Trusting myself is a challenge.  I feel like I generously and naively placed trust into the hands of someone who very much abused that confidence.  Because of this, I second-guess myself so much.  I have a hard time making decisions and fear that what I perceive isn't really the way things are.  It's a mind-game that is hard to overcome and often leaves me seeking the reassurance or validation of others.

One thing that keeps me sane, is to continually place all my uncertainties before the Lord.  I often just admit my confusion, my lack of knowledge and ask him to make my path clear.  When the path remains unclear, I am learning to step out in any direction trusting Him to redirect when necessary. 

All year I've been studying wisdom.  Seeking that trait in the Bible and reading from Proverbs almost daily.  There are few rules for gaining it, but many general themes and principles.  It is not something to be obtained, but it is a life pattern of seeking and waiting, choosing the best over the good and allowing God to direct. 

I find comfort in knowing His plan is not mysterious and is full of freedom.  In knowing this about God, there is less pressure.  I can move forward in a general direction without knowing the complete path.  My faith is stretched and grown in this way.  It's hard, but exciting and I'm thankful.

Whoever pursues righteousness and love
finds life, prosperity and honor.
Proverbs 21:21


  1. Just found your blog via Money Saving Mom post on time management for single moms. I'm in a bad spot right now - single mom of 6. He only co-parents 2 of his kids a few hours a week. I'm overwhelmed, beat down and broke. Youngest is just 5 months old and not sleeping thru the night - so I'm uber exhausted too. I NEEDED to end it with him - 20 years in an abusive marriage was too long, but as an orphan (no parents, siblings or any familiar support system) and no close friends, I stuck with it - always hoping it would get better.

    Anyway, the lonliness and the overwhelming sense of responsibility has just laid on my heart like a ton of black clouds.

    Reading your blog has given me some hope. I know it's just the way it is TODAY and this will NOT last, but sometimes, it's all too much. Know what I mean? Thanks for writing this and other posts - I'll keep putting one foot in front of the other and get thru. For me. For my kids.

  2. I completely understand this post beacause I have felt this way most of my life. Thank you for your encouragement through scripture and the reminder that God is bigger than our problem. I'm a follower! Jamie