Our home is a busy one and I'm sure that yours is, too. Life is full and hectic, which makes it very easy for married couples to become task-oriented rather than relationship-focus. I myself get fixated on too many details and schedules, when I would rather focus on connections that last.
Because of this, it's so very easy to fall into the tag-team pattern of running a household and parenting where I take care of one thing and Mr. Wonderful deals with another, so that we operate in parallel worlds. It works for functionality, but the connection and personality gets starved from our relationship. I've lived in a marriage like that before and I am vigilant against allowing that pattern to creep into our home.
So we have little rituals that remind us that we are more than the grown-ups responsible for the housework and maintenance of life. We are two people madly in love a devoted to one another for life, not just someday when the to-do lists are done, but right now in the crazy and madness of all that requires our attention. I want Mr. Wonderful to know he is my priority. He is more important than dishes or laundry or bills or the best show I can find on tv.
So after the children are tucked into bed (and sometimes before they even get there when our schedule gets crazy), Mr. Wonderful and I site together on the couch and just let ourselves relax. Often, I find myself giving him a little foot rub or neck massage. I can feel him let go of the daily cares and the physical act of touching brings an intimate connection that is so satisfying. In this brief interaction, often just ten minutes or so, we move from coworkers managing life into partners pursuing each other. It signals loud and clear that while I must cook and clean, I choose to connect.
This has been the most obvious connection cue, but I notice there are others throughout the day. That moment in the mornings where we pause during the mad-dash and embrace, kiss and move on to our individual schedules. The quick call or text as we move through individual itineraries. So much of life inevitably pulls a couple apart. We must find a way to intentional draw closer to one another and remain connected. There are many ways to do this and much freedom for creativity. For us, it's a simple cuddle as we shift from corporate warrior and home manager into a couple who are simply satisfied in each others' company. What is your connection cue? Me? I rub feet.