My Teens' Favorite Holiday Traditions

When you get past some attitude and embrace a bit of snarky dialogue, having teen is a lot of fun. Sometimes, it might feel like the holiday 'magic' is a bit lost in these older ages, but I'm hear to share that Christmas can still be a time that builds connection and creates memories...which is something of even greater value as their time in your 'nest' starts to wind down.

As a mom, there are so many traditions that I bring to the family every year: We attend the Christmas Eve service, pack and send Shoeboxes, participate in a daily Advent door reading, annual ornaments, Christmas light road tours, holiday date with mom, ice skating, traveling to visit family, visit to see Santa, decorate gingerbread houses, bake cookies and deliver to neighbors, party with friends at home, and the list goes on.

A few traditions seem to fall away. In middle school they stopped wanting to visit Santa. It became harder for the teens with their own social calendar and job schedules to participate in our family friends party. Traveling to visit relatives wasn't on top of their priority list. So I asked, what do you still love?

After much pulling of teeth, they admit to loving these the most:

"I really like just chilling and watching Hallmark movies with mom."

"The Advent doors are always slap."

"You know I like eating big meals as a fam."

"The advent calendar is the best because it's a little celebration everyday."

"The annual ornaments are great because they hold a memory every year."

"Christmas light drives are fantastic and just feel so festive."

"I like the advent doors, the holiday date with mom and the stockings."

If you have older children, ask them what they like! It's fun to hear their perspective...and it may free you from something that just doesn't resonate any longer.

Yes, the traditions may not look exactly the same as your holiday did when you had young children. Still, your older kids and teens still love and appreciate the family fun of holiday traditions. No matter what season of life, carry something from the past into the future and hang on to the memories while making more. The most valuable point of traditions is the togetherness and that they foster. With teens, it's never been a better time to create that point of connection.

Other Ideas for Holiday Fun with Teens:

- Walk the dog through a holiday light show.
- Deliver cookies to your neighbors, assisted living home or fire station.
- Go to a parade, they are fun and festive.
- Pick up hot chocolate (or make your own) and go for a Christmas light drive. Let your teen pick the playlist.
- Have a wrapping party together.
- Take them to a thrift store and provide $$ to purchase a festive sweater.
- Enjoy a winter hike.
- Have a date with mom and make it somewhere they love.
- Let them invite a bunch of friends over for holiday movies.

What ideas do you have?

Seemingly Small Life Hacks that Make a Big Difference Along the Way

We live in a region with four distinct seasons.  Maybe you adore the moody fall vibes, but for me it is a reminder that I'm headed for several months of gray, of darkness and of cold. The temperature this week reminds me that the damp and chill are settling in for a stay.  Yes, we are gearing up for the joy of Christmas, but even that often fills me with a slight panic.  I do my best remain fixed on the beauty and the value of each season, but for me it can be a struggle.

So here are a few smallish things I'm doing for myself that help to replenish what each day drains away.  Maybe you can share an idea, too?

Make Your Bed... or clean the sink, clear the floor, fluff the sofa pillow.  Whatever it is that gives you a quick sense of accomplishment is worth taking the the minutes to complete. I make my bed daily.

Take Small Breaks and start small. I don't have to complete the decorating in one day, I'm better when I let it unfold in little bits over the course of a week (or two).

Feed Your Body, and Your Heart. The season of indulgence is almost here so I'm proactively being intentional with nutritious, healthy choices. Soups and whole grains are benefiting. But don't forget to enjoy the occasional treat and share with those whom you hold close. Weekly coffee dates with my daughter are a special treat in our current season. Rest and connect whenever you can.

Live in the Moment, Capture the Feeling. We all know to be present in the moment, so make the effort and really do it. Sit back and look at the fun your children are having, the silly teenagers with their friends or the ease and camaraderie of your dear friends.  Then, snap a photo that you promise not to post - just to savor and remember.

Schedule a Massage. I love a full body massage, maybe for you it's a haircut or facial. My budget doesn't allow this as often as I'd like, so I'm happy to be the practice person at a massage school for a fraction of the price.  

Scripture and Gratitude make a difference. When I feel discouraged or overwhelmed it never fails to pause and refocus on all the good in my life.  

I hope that your autumn has been full of pumpkin/apple spiced goodness. If you feel a little blah because of the weather or the schedule, maybe these practices will perk up your spirit.  Do you have any tried and true ways to recharge?

Visit a Living History Museum on the River

Do you want to know what it was like to "sail the ocean blue, in 1492?" A replica of the historical ship that sailed to North America will soon be sailing into Knoxville.  It's a great way to spend time outside and have a glimpse into history, as well. The Pinta, was the first ship of that voyage to sight land.

You might be surprised by the size of the ship, considering it made trans-Atlantic voyages.  You might be impressed with the sturdiness of the construction.  It was built by Portuguese shipbuilders. You will be intrigued by the many details needed for a successful voyage. Elementary aged children will be fascinated when they step onto the wide, wooden deck.

Known historically as a Tall Ship, the Pinta is a replica of one of the ships that sailed with Christopher Columbus.  You can read the history and get as many (or few) details as you wish, but it's definitely worth a visit with your kids.

My elementary aged children loved climbing all over the ship. Older kids will enjoy reading about how it was built and the way it was sailed, along with the historical details.  

Younger ones will love the adventure and joy of participating in something from a different era.

The ship will be docked at Calhoun's on the River, 400 Neyland Drive, Knoxville, TN 37902 from October 20-29, 2023. Tours are open from 9-5 daily, with the purchase of an $8 ticket for Adults, $6 for Children, $7 for Seniors & Military. Children under 4 year of age are free. Tickets may be purchased at the ship and no advance reservation is required.

More information availalable @  https://ninapinta.org/

https://www.visitknoxville.com/event/discover-tall-ship-pinta-in-knoxville-tn/25401/

Romance Your Husband While Raising Teens

Actual footage or our teen in the background.

How can we remain a couple while in the middle of parenting?  It's a challenge at every stage of parenthood, and maybe it peaks in the teen years - I can't say, and it's probably different for everyone, but we find ourselves in the thick of parenting teenagers, so that is my perspective.  The teens are awesome, but my man has my heart so here is how I'm striving to communicate my affection.

Mini Date Night - Take advantage of the newer independence that your teens have.  Now you can drop them off for events, youth group or whatever.  Use the hour or two without them to meet your mate for dinner.  Don't run errands (at least not every time), get some quality time with your honey.  Every now and then, eat dinner alone together at the table. Maybe light some candles.  It's okay if the adolescents notice, they will appreciate the love your family has created.  Personally, we try to have a lunch date weekly.  

Lock the Door!  It's tough to relax with our man when we know any kids are home, but lock that door and enjoy some adult time without interruption.  A back rub (or more) helps to keep connected during busy weeks and seasons.  We can fool our little children, but with teenagers at home, use your locks!  No matter your love language, it's important to enjoy some Sneaky Snuggle Time!

Laugh it Out! Let yourself be lighthearted with your partner. Lately, we enjoy some parallel playtime together by scrolling the memes and reels on our individual phones.  I'm particularly tickled by silly cats while my spouse seems amused by random children behaving badly.  Whatever makes you laugh together, do more of that.

Create small rituals. There is power in knowing you can count on someone. Little things like cleaning dishes together, walking the dogs each evening or morning smooches before parting ways. These gestures add up to create positive connections and reinforce the bond you have created.  

Dream of a getaway. Set a goal for a couple-only vacation and dream a bit. When you get a chance, start saving and make it happen. We are dreaming of London right now and while there are so many things ahead of that in priority, dreaming now means we can make it a goal someday.  

Parenthood might throw us some challenges, but it also provides countless opportunities to nurture our relationship in creative and unexpected ways.  From stealthy snuggle sessions to spontaneous dates when the moment is ripe, these light-hearted tips will help you keep the romance alive while you juggle curfews, boundaries and emerging freedoms. Embrace the changes and find joy in each moment to let your love story grow.  You might find yourself growing closer to your partner at just the time your teen is exerting his or her independence.

When Your Strong Willed Child Becomes A Teen

Very early, it becomes obvious when you have a strong willed child. There are many wonderful character traits that come along with being strong willed and at the same time, it can be exhausting as a parent. Then the tweens and teen years arrive and everything gets more intense. The arrival of adolescence magnifies the willfulness because the normal  emerging independence joins with the already established willful ways of your child.

All feelings are intensified, including independence and self-determination.

As the adult, it’s our job to find the best way to deescalate the feelings. Strong willed teens believe they know best for themselves. They are fiercely independent. When your teen senses that you are not trusting their own decision-making process, they will push back. We do not want to create a dynamic of constant conflict, so it’s essential to win the trust and heart of our teens.

To create connection, consider giving your cranky teen exactly what they are craving: power. Be ready for more pushing of boundaries and decide in advance what is worth the battle. Are clothes going to be a daily argument or can you let that go and hold the line on something more important like grades?

Maybe you are strong willed too and you’re doing everything you can to hold onto power in the relationship. Do you fear giving away power will backfire and your teen will suffer or reject you and your values? It’s possible, and this is where we must face our own limitations. This is the crucial time when it’s more important to focus on relationship than rules.

The only person who you can control is you. Practice being the centered, patient parent that you long to be. Take an extra breath and try to not react. What your teen is expressing isn’t about you at all; in fact, you are their safe place to let our the frustration and pain experienced at that moment. You have the privilege to help them direct their actions and attitude to something more healthy. You get to reframe what they are experiencing and remind him or her that it is temporary. Along the way, you become the trusted guide they come to when hard things happen.

Your strong willed teen has a deep need for control and independence. You can fight that or fuel him or her with responsibility.

Give this teen the power to earn, to strive and to fail. Let their struggle become an ally to improve and be a better human. Avoid getting into a direct power struggle with him or her; instead, demonstrate that you can compromise and you value their input. Be flexible on the curfew. Say yes as much as possible. Determine requirements based on what is moral versus your own preference. Ask questions like, “What does your conscious say?,” “How would you feel?,” “Would you be alright if everyone knew you did this?” These questions help shape decision making without taking over.

Strong willed teens are leaders, courageous and willing to stand alone and steer their own course. They are creative and innovative in finding solutions. Vocalize your approval with pride in their leadership and joy in their adventures. Encourage that spirit to persist in challenges and to overcome hard things. These are traits that will serve your young person well in the future.

When you see your teen moving in a direction that concerns you, raise that concern before you try to coerce. Coercion and enforcement will create resistance. I often think of the reverse psychology my own mama used as a trick of the trade. And dad still tells me, “I know you will do what is right/best.” I didn’t always make the best choice, but I knew I was responsible for the outcome. Be sure to communicate that you are on their side and demonstrate empathy even when discipline is required. Keep the relationship mutually beneficial so that your teen stays invested in the bond you have created. Lean into that bond, especially when there is tension.  

Sometimes, our strong willed ones learn through failure and tough consequences. More than ever, this is when to walk alongside them, support and encourage. “I told you so,” doesn’t work, but “Next time you will do better,” does. It reminds your teen that you believe in him or her and that you are on their side.

It’s tough to raise a strong willed teen, especially when you’re a strong willed adult. Sometimes we both mess up and so it’s important to reestablish a bond. She’s got to know I’m with her and for her, no matter what. My sister, a licensed therapist, taught me that it’s crucial to keep the connection regardless of anything else that happens during these sometimes tumultuous years.

The Guide to Getting Teens to Spend Time with Mom (Because They Totally Want To)

Fellow mothers of teenagers, I join you in the quest to forge more time with our young people.  I hope we can together unlock the secrets of nudging our moody, phone-obsessed, self-isolating teens to spend quality time with dear old mom.  The following time-tested tactics are guaranteed to prompt your teens to jump at the chance to hang out with you. Get ready for the bonding!

Be Extra Cool.  To win the heart of your teenage offspring, you must achieve peak coolness.  Dress in the most current and trendiest styles, and appropriately use slang from their generation.  Insert as many hip references as possible into your conversations.  Nothing screams "quality time with mom" quite so loudly as cringe-worthy attempts to fit in.

Totally Compete for Their Attention.  Seriously, teens love it when you engage in a fierce battle for their undivided attention.  Ignore their eye rolls and exasperated sighs as you remind them why you're more fun than their friends. Maybe you can challenge them to a dance-off? Try an extreme sport?  Be sure to capture it all on video so that you can share these ventures with their social circle.

Employ Guilt Tripping Galore. Use the time-honored techniques of emotional manipulation to coerce your teen into being with you.  Remind him or her of all the sleepless nights you spent changing diapers or all the hours spent as a chauffeur to sports and clubs. Recount the endless sacrifices made for their happiness.  Squeeze out a tear or two, but don't go overboard or they might just start avoiding you altogether.

Bust out the Bribery Bonanza.  This is my personal go-to strategy.  Why rely on family love when you can purchase your teen's affection?  Promise outrageous rewards, shower her with beauty perks like a mani-pedi date, or splurge on a steak dinner for your guy.  Watch as they suddenly find time to hang out with you when you include the fleeting pleasures they beg for.

Go for the Surprise Ambush.  Nothing screams "I love you, Mom" like a surprise intrusion of your teen's sacred alone time.  Burst into their room unannounced, armed with board games, photo albums or baby videos.  Right when they think the day is theirs for doing nothing, inform them of the hike you have planned.  They will be mortified, but deep down they will love you for always being there.

Declare Delightful Chores. Transform mundane household tasks into unforgettable bonding when you do it together.  Insist that your teen complete the chores by a certain time...and then jump in to offer assistance.  Who needs to spend cozy time at the coffee shop when you can scrub toilets together?  This will certainly insure that your adolescent child begs for more of the Surprise Ambush. Plus, it will build character, right?

Instate a Tech Time-Out. Teach our young people the art of face-to-face conversation.  Be prepared for a wave of complaints and sulking fits and hope they aren't bashing you across social media platforms.  Aim for a short trip out for ice cream or Sonic sans tech.

We love our teens but sometimes we struggle to find ways of connecting.  Keep trying, it's is worth it.  When we keep showing up and let them know we care, we demonstrate that we are trustworthy and dependable.  Let your teen know you don't always know how to be in their world, but you're trying - and then keep engaging them every single day.  

These tactics are guaranteed to annoy the teen in your life, but in truth they may also create a few moments of connection amidst the hormonal chaos.  Good luck, mom as you embark of the epic journey or mother-teen bonding!

Capturing Moments, Cherishing Memories: The Power of a Journal

Can we agree that life can serve up challenges and sometimes we are just trying to get through the day, only to do it all over again tomorrow? I think we all find ourselves on this kind of treadmill at times, but experts agree that there is a way to find more meaning through self reflection that helps us be more present and aware. Keeping a journal will foster personal awareness when we recognize and are able to express feelings, even just to yourself.   Writing out our thoughts is known to enhance clarity and boost creativity.  

Journaling may sound like a chore or old-school homework task, and that is alright - I won't pretend that everyone will connect with this exercise.  It one skill in the tool box of life management practices that can help you identify feelings, process experiences and notice improvement over time.  

Diary-style, memoir or even rote reporting are ways to document your thoughts.  Personally, what makes its way into my journals are the events of my day along with how I feel in the moment or what I'm longing for.  When an experience, conversation or message captures my heart, then I want to memorialize that by noting it in my journal.  To be authentic, do not write for an audience, let your heart flow freely and begin to process your inner mind.  Self reflection provides a way to unfold our experiences, challenges, goals and accomplishments.  We can let go of pent up emotions, grieve losses or identify those things we realize aren't healthy in our lives.  Journaling releases stress and helps us work through emotions as we untangle our mix of feelings.

I don't make myself disciplined in writing every single day, although there are seasons where that happens.  I write when an experience, good or bad, moves me. I write when I come to understand someone in a new way.  I write to remember my values while in the middle of struggles.  Mostly, I write because my thoughts become more clear when I put them to paper. 

I have been keeping a pen and paper journal of some form for decades.  Journaling is a key element for me when a decision is needed and I'm having a difficult time knowing the best direction to take.  My journals have helped me to track thoughts, feelings and patterns over time.  I've been able to observe progress and to identify pitfalls that lead to repeating negative patterns.  I've seen where difficult changes have produced more of what I desire, and so been inspired to endure new difficult challenges with confidence that the outcome is worth the effort.  The process of change is more trusted when I have record of past success.

Journaling has evolved with technology.  Personal blogs and chatrooms often act like a journal, with the addition of feedback from readers.  Apps that encourage a photo-a-day create a visual journal that can trigger so many memories when looking back through the images.  Bullet-journals are a quick and simple way to mind-dump and provide structure, or not, depending on what works for you.

If you're looking for a way to express yourself and become more mindful of your own thoughts and experience, give journaling a try.  It might help to talk with a friend and agree to write once a week, then keep one another accountable.  Start with a Gratitude Journal, where you can focus on the positive.  Other prompts: 

What is your favorite thing about yourself today?

What was one thing you wish you had done differently today?

Who in your life makes you feel safest, and why? 

Let a journal take away some of your mental load by releasing the nagging worries and noticing the positive in your day.  Capture your joy and keep record of the way life is unfolding.  Notice the rhythms of your days and note the comfort of knowing yourself.