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Monday, November 26, 2012

Moody Monday

My fun crew before the meal!
We had a fantastic Thanksgiving and it felt like such a festive holiday!  I completely enjoyed the time away from work and school schedules.  I got a bit more settled in our home and even put up some Christmas decor.  This is such a fun season.

But I'm so very annoyed with myself.  I consented to letting the children spend some extra time with their Dad.  This resulted in changed plans at the last minute and misinformation being given to them.  He lied.  He gave them poor life skills.  Why do I keep agreeing in order to avoid conflict?  Why haven't I learned this in the twenty years I've known him - he is not working for their benefit, but to make himself feel better.  I am sick.

I spent much of yesterday undoing poor messages and praying that the negative influence will be lessened.  Today, I made an appointment with the lawyer.  We have moved beyond annoyance and games and have entered the realm where there is real risk.  I need my anger to move me to action.  I cannot be passive when it comes to the lives of my children.

Of course that makes my mood rather somber and glum this morning.  I hate that this is part of my life and that it will be this way for the forseeable future.  If I let it, I could get discouraged.  But I know it is only part of my life.  It is challenging but there is so much more that is good and wonderful and joyful and pleasant.  I will use this to continue learning to stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves.  And learning to not let things continue into a negative pattern, but take action when and where I can.