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| My fun crew before the meal! |
But I'm so very annoyed with myself. I consented to letting the children spend some extra time with their Dad. This resulted in changed plans at the last minute and misinformation being given to them. He lied. He gave them poor life skills. Why do I keep agreeing in order to avoid conflict? Why haven't I learned this in the twenty years I've known him - he is not working for their benefit, but to make himself feel better. I am sick.
I spent much of yesterday undoing poor messages and praying that the negative influence will be lessened. Today, I made an appointment with the lawyer. We have moved beyond annoyance and games and have entered the realm where there is real risk. I need my anger to move me to action. I cannot be passive when it comes to the lives of my children.
Of course that makes my mood rather somber and glum this morning. I hate that this is part of my life and that it will be this way for the forseeable future. If I let it, I could get discouraged. But I know it is only part of my life. It is challenging but there is so much more that is good and wonderful and joyful and pleasant. I will use this to continue learning to stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves. And learning to not let things continue into a negative pattern, but take action when and where I can.
I can so relate to this post. 10 years ago I parted ways with my significant other of 7 years. We tried to do the whole verbal agreement thing with the custody at first. It did not take me long to realize the error of this decision. I was trying to make it easier on the children but in reality many of the frustrations I had with their father when we were together could not be remedied until I got a lawyer involved. It cost a ridiculous amount of money to get sole physical custody and joint legal of my two boys (then ages 3 and 4), but it was the best money I have ever spent. It has been 10 years now and I do not regret it for a moment. Trust in yourself that you know what you are doing for them in the long run, be unflinching and stand your ground, for them. They need this more than ever now and the sooner you take action, the better off they will be in the long run. The kids may not understand exactly why you have to do what you do until much later in their lives. Some of the hardest times for you are in the near future but there is hope and it will all work out for the best for your family. Thank you for this blog. I found it recently and respect you as a mother and a person very much. Truly, Ginny ginnylouden.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteThank you - I needed this encouragement today!
DeleteIt is a difficult position you are in, Missy. You are strong enough to make the right choices for your children, even if it gets messy and involves a lawyer. You can do what needs to be done, and not burden the children with it. You have had a lot of upheaval, but you are also starting fresh, with no other ties to your former husband other than those three beautiful, precious children. Hold on to the knowledge that you are in charge of every aspect of this new life, and the world is at your fingertips. Good luck, and thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Tara. Nothing changes qucikly, so I've got to start somewhere!
ReplyDeleteI have been following your story for awhile, and while I don't comment often, I pray for you and your kids whenever I read your blog. I will pray for a quick and peaceful resolution to this situation, and I will pray that your ex-husband starts putting his children before himself. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteThank you. Prayers are much appreciated!
DeleteYou do realize attorneys are busy helping people with REAL issues, right? Of course they are more than happy to take money you should be spending elsewhere and laugh about your petty issues all the way to the bank. Best of luck to you! Word for today: delusional
ReplyDelete