Many women have a list of "must haves" for the man with whom they want to partner, and I'm all for keeping up the standards. I used to have a long list, focused on a lot of details. Entering a season where I had the chance to do it all again, I realized there were a lot of things that I would like, and that would probably be helpful in creating a good relationship. But I didn't want a long list that needed to be checked off and if it was, that I would automatically feel this was "the one."
Instead, I decided to come up with some bottom line must-haves being in a relationship. As I got to know I man and determine whether these qualitites existed, I would also be determining whether the lesser important issues made us compatible.
Over the course of several months, I wrote down things I wanted. Then I used those traits to create a list of character traits that I knew I would need. Your list will be different from mine just like your likes and dislikes, your past is different, your needs are different. I talked often to the Lord about what I would need and asked him to give me insight. As He did, I formed a list of seven bottom-line traits that I would need in order to give my heart to a man. Then I began to pray specifically for a man who -
- Has walked with the Lord for many years.
- Healthy Habits
- Financially stable, employed, tithes
- Marked by kindness
- Honest, honest, honest
- Energetic, Positive Outlook, Upbeat
- Emotionally available, open and desires to partner in relationship
I knew I didn't want to be with someone who smokes or recently quit (afraid to risk relapse). I knew that because of my history, I would have a difficult time trusting someone who had been unfaithful in a previous relationship.
I didn't want a legalized checklist like:
ü Attends Church Weekly
ü Christian for 10 years
ü Never Lies
ü Didn’t Cheat
ü No Smoking
So I worked to get to the very core of my desires and make that list as bottom line as possible. In this way, I felt like I kept myself open to possibility! It felt very exciting yet I knew I would guard myself against traits that would bring me down in the long run. I felt like I had realistic, healthy boundaries for me.
Have you thought I about what you want? Do you think it is smart to be general or specific as you think about your needs? Or do you think winging it is a better idea? Do tell!
As I'm sharing, please take or toss - I'm not suggesting that what I did it what everyone should do, but it is the truth unfolding of my story.