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Monday, April 25, 2011



When you marry your college sweet heart, the relationship is destined to change and evolve.  I assumed that my spouse and I would grow and change together, our mindset becoming more alike, not less.  But when our communication became stifled, then non-existent, it became impossible for us to grow together.  The changes we each experienced were in isolation from the other and we became more and more distant.  When ultimate crisis entered our relationship, we had very little common ground on which to unite. 

The ways in which we once connected were now the very things that had changed and created greater distanceHow can someone so familiar become a stranger?  One day, one unshared choice at a time.  A relationship's success can be determined by how well we deal with the changes in life.  It's natural to build a wall of resistance, to pile on the sandbags against the flood of new habits, ideas, whatever.  But this creates defensiveness and only walls out the other person.  It creates trenches from which we fight for 'rightness.' 

We all change.  Our circumstances, our styles, our attitudes, our careers or not, our hair (thank goodness!).  Change is par for the course of life.  Learning to embrace it has been another great lesson for me.  I don't know if my spirit will ever welcome change, but these days I can plan more loosely, hold my ways as my own and not try to project them onto others.  I hope that I am much less rigid and more fluid in my acceptance of people and ideas. 

As hopeful as I am of my own ability to change and accept it others, I write this very aware of how I still resist it!  It's so ironic.  How well do you deal with change? How does stabilty and consistency in one area help you deal with the change in another?

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