Discovery Day. Dooms Day. Disaster Day. It's got many titles but in the world of the betrayed, almost everyone has a D-Day. For some, the discovery comes in bits and pieces, unfolding into truth. For me it was like a broken dam, exploding all over my seemingly ordered world. It's been three years since what I describe as my first D-Day and there are several things I learned through the difficult times:
- Do not make any major life decisions in the middle of emotional chaos. There is no reason to rush.
- The way you feel today is not the way you will feel forever.
- Make time to think. You need the emotional space to process what you have learned. Even if it has been going on for a while, this new reality needs time to be accepted. Be cautious not to be so 'busy' that you avoid dealing with the trauma.
- Find a way to take care of yourself. Walking, long baths, books of recovery and time with encouraging friends. You will be enough for all that you must do.
- More than any other time, take care to feed your faith. Do not abandon the principles of scripture when you will need them most. If you have never studied the Bible, do so now. Start in Psalms or Proverbs to remember that others have survived betrayal and hurt, glean the wisdom necessary for rebuilding. You do not have to survive this alone.
- Choose to act, not react. Remember to be a woman of dignity, even when you find yourself part of very undignified circumstances. You can be proud of how you handle this terrible season.
- Activate a support system - find those who can help you practically with meals, childcare, therapy, prayer, whatever it is you need now. This is the time to relinquish caring for others and let others care for you.
I stumbled across your blog a while back and it has become quite an inspiration to me. My own "D" day is coming up next week. My divorce will be final. A 27 year marriage destroyed by sin. It has been very hard but God is just so good. Praying for you and your little ones.
ReplyDeleteCindy
I found your blog through singlemommyhood.com, and after reading your comments, I found that they are very wise.
ReplyDeleteRecently my husband told me that he's lost feelings for me, and that it would be best for us to separate after 10 years together. Despite my efforts to fight for our marriage, it's looking worse and worse, because he's rejecting any efforts to work it out. My "D" day has not happened yet, but we're heading into that direction. I am still in shock, still in love with my husband, still hoping we could work this out.
I admire your strength and your calmness when facing difficult times. I hope I can handle my "D" day and whatever comes after with the same strength and inner peace.
I look forward to reading more of your posts.
Following you from: http://dosweatthesmallstuffblog.blogspot.com/