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Wednesday, July 13, 2011

The Irony of Divorce

When children are involved, you will never be able to separate fully from your spouse.  The bizarre truth is that more communication is necessary to bridge the gap between what happens during their time with mom and their time with dad.  Some of the very frustrations I experienced when married, I still experience when attempting to work out details with Daddy. 

Accepting that the connection and necessary dependence continues is tough, epecially when there are differences of opinion about what is best for the children.  I wish I had a great idea about how to work through and solve this scenario, but I do not.

Co-parenting requires me to get out of my own agenda and truly evaluate what is best for the children.  I try to look at things from their point of view and to honor the love they have for Daddy.  Also, I must consider the longer term ramifications for decisions made today and any precedents which may be set.  For me this is extremely challenging.  My tendency is to take the course of least resistance and saying, "No" often creates false guilt.  Isn't it strange how the issues I had in marriage are the issues I continue to deal with?  I guess there are some things I will work on my whole life. 

For me, my children are the greatest joys and investment I have.  Because of this, I weigh decisions deeply and I'm sensitive to their experience.  I'm quite sure I haven't made every decision 'right,' but I'm also confident I've done my very best, and will continue to do so.  I pray that they look on me with grace in their adult lives, forgiving where I've fallen short and laughing with me about the small things that feel so major right now. 

At the end of the day, I cannot parent away my children's need for a Savior.  Even if I was perfect, er "Flawless," they will need Jesus.  This truth enables me to be gentle to myself and allow Him to fill the gaps of my shortcoming with His goodness.  My ongoing prayer is that each of them turns to God when they face challenges and not away from Him in anger or rebellion.

Please share if you are co-parenting, is it a cooperative relationship?