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Friday, March 22, 2013

Simply Complicated

I feel deep joy today, along with some anxiety.  At one time I thought these emotions cancelled each other out, one couldn't exist alongside the other.  Embracing both has been essential to becoming authentic as I walk through life.  My all or nothing thinking of the past led me to box myself up and not explore the complexities of life.  Growth is so good!

Becoming the second wife to the man I adore is full of such strange mixed emotions.  Because I love Mr. Wonderful, and his darling girls, I regret that the pain of divorce entered their world.  Yet that fact is what opened the door for me to know and love them in the first place.  Do you understand the complexity?  Because he was happy in his first marriage for many years, I sometimes wonder if I will bring him the same level of joy.  Yet the very fact that he enjoyed unity, kinship, committed and lasting love bodes well that he will enjoy the same with me.  Again, the paradox!

I cannot wait until I get to spend my days and nights together.  Our rental house has never truly felt like home and I tend to avoid being alone there.  Yet I sometimes worry about adjusting to moving into the home and space of another family.  How will they feel about integrating my stuff?  Will I feel like an intruder?  It would be easy for resentments to build.  Yet I know being with him is like being home.  I'm content in his space and his presence.

Talking about these things helps to bring my concerns into the open.  Often they are diffused with simple solutions.  I can't wait for all my most important people to be under one roof.  Yet I know the next season carries lots of transitions for each of us.  I think as long as we keep communicating, keep celebrating the good in the midst of the new and challenging, that we will grow and learn together. 

It's exciting, new territory!