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Thursday, March 3, 2011

We're Not That Different

Sometimes, I feel just so "other" than many of the moms I know.  I can't ask my husband to watch the children while I meet my girlfriends for lunch.  I don't have the extra cash to indulge in a manicure.  When we are invited to a birthday party, I bring all three because I don't have a spouse to watch the off-age siblings.   

But like every mother my heart grew ten times when my newly born babe was first placed in my arms.  I plan and plot and provide them with the best my resources allow, learning to accept that this is enough.  I get frustrated with the never-ending cycles of clean, then dirty dishes and laundry, toys picked up, then played with and scattered again.  I am exceedingly proud of my children.  I have worries for them.  I stress about their health, emotions and eating habits.
You see, as mothers there is more that draws us together than pulls us a part. 

My dearest friends circa 1999
The last dozen years have changed us all but
our friendships have only deepened
 During this season you may have a husband and I may not.  But I know what it is like to live with a man, to feel pulled to please him over what I feel is best for our family, to be so emptied at the end of a day yet keep giving in order to deepen the relationship of marriage.  To be disappointed over his lack of interest or thrilled when he noticed a new haircut. 

Like you I sometimes have to choose between a darling new pair of flats for me, or new tennis shoes for a child (again).  We both dash around like crazy gathering things before we can head out the door...then something usually gets left behind.  I think we both have random Cheerios and toy cars lost in the nether-regions of our vehicle. 

All this to to say that there is no reason to be stand-off-ish because we have some differences.  I'm really a lot like you.  We share more than we are different and we could probably both use a friend.

If you're singlie, like me - am I the only one who feels sort of odd-man-out?  If you are a married mom, do you have any single mom friends?  Why not ask a friend to lunch? To come over for a play date?  To escape to a movie?  None of us can do this alone, we've got to find our village.


  1. Wow! I have been feeling just this way. We went to a birthday party this weekend and I was the only one there without a spouse. I felt odd.
    The other day a friend asked me to go the park and play and after we went to dinner - only I felt like I was intruding because her husband came.
    I feel guilty, like I'm making everyone else uncomfortable. Like I'm the one that changed and so people don't know how or what to think of me.

  2. Well said. Happens to me sometimes too. And sometimes I also get this "vibe" that I'm suddenly the "single" girl therefor a threat to the "intact" families.

  3. I feel your pain! well said

  4. What a wonderful post - I can relate to everything you are saying!!! Have a great weekend!!!

  5. I love your blog as a single mom to two sweet kiddos I totally can relate! Thank you for sharing!!