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Friday, March 4, 2011

I Like Cotton Underwear

I do.  I think cotton undies are more comfy than the satin, silk or poly-blend stuff - but I often avoided them when living with my man.  He didn't like the cotton variety so much, and it was a small thing to sacrifice in order to be desireable, so I wore the flirty fashionista underpants.  Sorry, even when married, I was never a thong girl - TMI!  Now that I'm single, I wear lots of cotton undies.  There are really cute cut and patterned ones out there and it makes me feel fresh and feminine without trying so hard.  It's very freeing!

Along these lines (not panty lines, ahem), there are lots of things I do now because I'm not living to please my husband.  The bedding in my room, the colors of the walls in our home, our family dishes, our television viewing habits, and the way I spend money are all different now than when I was married.  They are different in a positive way as I seek what's best for me and for our children, in line with the Lord.

There is freedom in moving away from trying to please and 'keep' a spouse.  I didn't realize the bondage under which I lived until that yoke was gone.  I shared some of the isolating feelings about when he left, and one of the first things I did was to claim what was our bedroom as my own space.  The empty spaces in our room where his dresser and things were screamed that he left, that I was alone.  So I made it my mission to claim my space.  Here's how -

I rearranged the furniture to camoflauge the fact that pieces were departed to his apartment.  I made the bed with linens of my own choosing, selecting calm and soothing pieces.  Over time I began to decorate with things I had chosen rather than what we picked together.

In the main living spaces of our home I painted.  Ugh it was tedious and time consuming, but I needed something to fill the time while my children were with Daddy on their first vacation without me.  My mother gave me some of her decorating pieces so that I could update the decor in our home.  I was loving the creative energy of making the space more reflective of my personality.  For the first time in years I truly felt like the "Lady of the House."

My sister gifted me with a wonderful set of dishes.  I was able to donate the set we received from our wedding to Goodwill.  Slowly, I've been able to replace the past with the future.   My husband and marriage will always be part of me, part of what makes me who I am, and part of my life story.  But the physical reminders can be discouraging and in letting them go and embracing some changes, I have enjoyed freedom to discover a "me" that was hiding, squelched for years.