This is a hard subject for me to think about. All wounds are that way, I think. My three children will have an extra long visit with their Daddy this weekend to celebrate Father's Day. I will miss them and their energetic activity. I let them choose a gift for Dad and I try to do something that they can all do together. So they chose a 500 piece train puzzle they can all work on together. I hope he does it with them. I hope he acknowledges the love they so freely give and the way they unabashedly admire a dad who doesn't always deserve it (NOTE: I do not say this to put down their dad, children give all of us a lot more admiration than we ever deserve).
My children have not known a protective male covering over our lives or home. It is my hope that Mr. Wonderful will be the male figure who is a healthy, godly example of what God intended when he created man. I pray my boys will learn the importance of faithfulness and my daughter to know what love looks like. May she not be vulnerable to harmful predators who seek only to use her for their own selfish pleasure.
I worry about their Daddy wound. I worry they will seek approval and attention from unhealthy sources. I worry that they will not well define the role of men. I worry they will take on the views I see as negative about women and self. I worry they will repeat history and have broken relationships in their future. It makes me sad.
We all have a Daddy wound, to some degree, for none of our earthly fathers are perfect. My own father was present, loving, faithful and the best dad anyone could hope for. I still made choices that weren't the most wise. So I turn this worry over to the One who heals all wounds. I have to trust our Lord to gently replace the negative messages of this world with the truth. I do all I can to reinforce the positive, create healthy views of family, men and marriage. But ultimately they will make their own choices.
I'm thankful for the men in the lives of my children: For pastors who teach and keep the Truth before us. For my Father, the Papa who loves them and gives them attention and affection whenever he can. For Mr. Wonderful who is willing to open his heart to love in ways they will likely never understand. For my former spouse, their Daddy who remains a part of their lives and was part of their being. Thanks, guys.
*hug*. From what I've seen reading your entries, your influence will be more than enough to guide them. Your very example of not bad mouthing their father and allowing visitation freely speaks volumes.
ReplyDeleteI grew up with an emotionally abusive father who wasn't involved in most of our growing up and special activities. I was happy when my parents divorced when I was 15. I made some mistakes along the way (seeking approval especially), but once I recognized what I was doing, I put an end to that behavior. I turned out all right, and your children will too.
You have such a wonderful heart, and I'm sure they know this. From these words, i'm guessing (with my best intuition) that these wounds have been filled so graciously with your love, as well as their Father's in heaven. My prayers are with your little ones, may they always find peace and comfort in both your arms and Jesus'.
ReplyDeleteHaving my grandson here and knowing that his dad, my son, has never been consistently in his life, Father's Day is even more emotional. This year I can see his hurt and it breaks my heart!
ReplyDeleteI am new to your blog but your post is very heartfelt. I grew up with my dad out of the picture. He communicated to us through letters though it was not the same. I have 3 siblings two sisters and a brother my sisters and I did ok though we do have issues with acceptance and that sort of thing. My brother definitely needed a good male role model though. I do think though if you are a good loving mother and you show your children examples of men who are good men and good male role models whether that is through uncles, step-dad, grandpa, or even with good friends of yours who are males it makes a difference.
ReplyDeleteThings will work out
Loved your post and I am definitely a new follower
Amanda from http://ourcrazybeautifulparadise.blogspot.com/
Thank you for sharing, Amanda!
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