But it also got me thinking about what other kinds of people I have learned to filter out of close relationships. The author, Donald Miller, identifies false victims, bullies and overly religious. I would add
- Takers and Overly Needy
- Self-Centered and Indulgent
- Mean Spirited
Miller continues with, "All of this may sound calloused, but as we get older, we realize there are people in the world who refuse to mature. Maturity means we are honest, safe and transparent. A mature person understands their faults and admits to them. An immature person is looking for power in some kind of game. If you want to be mature, surround yourself by mature people. Am I being unkind, leaving people behind? Perhaps. But being left behind was their decision. If a person wants to lie, make fun of others or not deal with their own depravity, they need to spend some time alone until they can learn to grow up."
He cites the book Safe People and I would add Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Maturing to the place where I have freedom to determine the kind of people in my circle has been an important growth pattern of my last decade. I hope that my filter continues to sharpen gracefully.
What types of people would you add to the list? Do you find it challenging to intentionally eliminate people from your close circle? I do sometimes, but I'm getting over that.