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Thursday, October 10, 2013

Mine, Yours, Ours - What?

My children have called my guy Mr. K---- for so long that the name didn't change when we actually married.  I've let them know they can just refer to him as K---- or even Coach (he coaches High School Soccer).  We've tossed around other names like Pop (he calls his own Dad Pop) but so far Mr. K---- it remains.  Sometimes, one of my three will slip and call him Daddy, but they always correct themselves.

I hope the label softens with time.  We have only been married for two months.

My husband has two daughters in high school.  Because I am Missy, I request people never use the Ms. (Ms. Missy is too much Misery to me).  So I've always been, "Dad's girlfriend, Missy."  Now I am "My stepmom, Missy."  I still regret the title of Stepmom, but it seems to be the easiest way the girls have of quickly defining my role to their friends. 

We do refer to the children as "Our children" and do not designate when we talk about them to others.  You're right, most people never need to know the exact nature of the relationship.  We have all five children the vast majority of the time, and yet the age differences create natural lines.  Often we refer the "the children" (my three, age 5, 7, 9) or "the girls" (his two, age 14, 16).  When I talk to others about my family and children, I am talking about all five: I cook dinners for all, shop for all, run schedules for all, etc. 

We are definitely still adjusting to living as a blended family.  There are so many individuals and emotions to consider and sometimes it's just overwhelming!  But keep reminding yourself that it is worth it!  One things that encourages me is to talk with adult children of blended families and hear the important impact the "Steps" had on their lives.  Two friends in particular had/have sweet, positive role models and influences: one from a Step Dad, one from a Step Mom...and the relationships weren't always smooth. This helps me know the end result is worth the confusion and work now.


  1. Wow, Missy! I was really touched by this post and your perspective on letting all of the children by yours as a couple, rather than differentiating. I bet that will go such a long ways in contributing to your family unity. Thank you so much for your comment over at my blog, Let Why Lead. Best wishes in everything, and let's definitely keep in touch!

    1. It's an adventure that I never expected and I'm learning everyday how important it is to serve our Lord first.